"The really unforgivable sin is the denial of sin, because, by it's nature, there is now nothing to be forgiven."

Servant of God Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Peace of Soul, 71

I'd just like to say...

My boyfriend kisses bishop's rings. I love him. HAHA!

Yes, I know I'm a total Catholic nerd- but it's like the best kind! You get to do things like chant and get excited over unbleached beeswax candles and look sideways and smile when the priest uses an extra fancy chalice on a Marian feast day. In any case I was too scared to kiss Bishop's ring when the moment was presented to me- but I when I saw it I wish I had. It was a scene of the Crucifixion (yes it was a very large ring!) with Blessed Mother and St. John- a scene that means a great deal to me! The awkwardness of grabbing a man's hand and kissing his ring would have been washed away by pressing my lips to the image his precious and sacred wounds- not to mention Blessed Mother and St. John!

Our Benjamin

He's going to grow up.

Sigh...

The New Kids I Work With

Yesterday, when I got to the after school program I work at, the kids were insane. They didn't just have a valentine box with little cards and a few candies they had BAGS- shopping bags- full of candy and other valentines. Needless to say homework time was very loud...

When we were looking through valentine's in the evening we came across this hilariously awesome little gem.
He even has correct punctuation! Though this doesn't top when I subbed last week and a 5th grader yelled "Praised be Jesus!" in the middle of religion class. That was after he accidentally put down "Hypostatic Union" instead of of "Incarnation" on his homework....

Praised be Jesus!

New Lunch Spot

One I can really get used to.

What God taught me through PMS Part Two

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

Since I wrote part one I fell very ill- no cramps, just a high fever and lots of blowing my nose. Lots of exhaustion too- which is why part two comes today, all in God's plan!

I would say pretty much the most common symptom of PMS is mood swings. This comes in the form of irritability (yelling at your family for eating too loudly), crying all the time for any reason (or no reason at all), feelings of hopelessness or insanity (when everything really. truly. is. fine.), little things seeming like big things (like the time my whole family went to Old Country Buffet and I refused to go- but sobbed SO HARD while they were gone... what?), and just general irrationality ("What do you mean you didn't get tortillas at the store? I knew you never loved me!"). In my opinion, it all boils down to an feeling throughout your whole body of no control.

If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Something is about to happen in your body that you didn't exactly consent to have happen- not to mention all the scads of hormones zipping around (I asked my Mom why I felt insane and she said it was the hormones making my brain swell- now whether or not that was true, it gave me an incredible image...). However, as in all things, someone did consent to have this happen in your body... THE GOD WHO LOVES YOU!!!

Once you realize you have no control over your body, it gives you the opportunity to give up your body. For how afraid we are of our bodies we sure don't like to let go of them! We don't like to give up control for any reason. Either that or we just let our bodies, and consequently our fallen natures, rule us (which seems so comfortable and easy because fallen nature is so familiar to us... but, yeah, it never really works out...) When we give up our bodies we get a chance to imitate Christ on the Cross- didn't seem like He had much control over His body at that time...! However, He had ultimate control. Now, what I mean by this is not that we should give up and be irritable and irrational- but know that we feel irritable and irrational and tell God that since we don't have control over our bodies, He must or we shall be utterly destroyed. It's like St. Therese says "We are too little to be able to always rise above difficulties. Well, then, let us pass beneath them quite simply". When we are weak, HE IS STRONG! "For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain"!!

I must say, recognizing that I don't have control is the hardest thing. For some reason, knowing ourselves seems to get lost in the chatter of everyday life. When I figure out I don't have control, saying "I place my life, my body, my mind, in your hands Jesus and I trust you to guide me to You- to safety, to the greatest love, to my very happiness- and to get all the things done that feel impossible right now done- YOU ARE GOD! AMEN!" is the the next hardest thing. God will guide us when we place our lives in His loving, more than capable hands. The next hardest thing is accepting the happiness and freedom God gives you- cause it'll end up that you'll feel like you have no problems and then you're like "What? This can't be right" BUT IT SO IS!

So this is what God taught me through PMS, I'm useless and I have no control- but He loves me more than I can ever know and treasures me and listens intently to my beating heart and has more than enough time to deal with my PMS problems. In short, God is wonderful.

"Ah! Do not let us stay very far from all that is brilliant. Let us love our littleness, love to feel nothing; then we shall be poor in spirit- and Jesus will come for us, far off as we are"

-St. Therese of Lisieux

In short...

"Ask Christ to help

you become happy"

-St. Paul Miki

Praised be Jesus!

What God taught me through PMS Part One

Praised be Jesus, now and forever!

This weekend I was lamenting the fact that I had no book about spirituality and menstrual cycles. It seems that there should be one- for young, unmarried girls and young adults. When I was taking confirmation classes I remember my small group leader talking to us about how her and her friends reminded each other to offer up their cramps to God instead of complaining about them. When I was in 9th grade I didn't even know what cramps were. I was greatly blessed by having no menstrual pain for many, many years- but it wasn't to be for my whole life. I also didn't notice mood swings or the inability to think rationally- most likely because I was in 9th grade and thought and acted irrationally quite frequently. I remember the first time that I had cramps I didn't know I could be in that much pain- ever. I tried to "bear it patiently" and not moan and complain- which is good. But there's so much more to the Christian life than simply "bearing it".

Last Easter was a huge turning point in my life. God showed me a tiny glimpse of His hugeness and I knew in my body- in my whole being- instead of just in my mind, that nothing in the entire world mattered but God. I went home from the vigil SO HAPPY knowing that I had received heaven- and God made His home in me- and that everything in the whole world was going to work out because Jesus rose from the dead and defeated death forever. I felt as if the whole world was mine- that it didn't matter if I lived or died or was beaten or I never ate again or if I ate three meals a day because God ruled the world and He's... well, God!

When I woke up on Easter morning I also woke up to day one of my period (which is SO always the way when it comes to periods!). Every few months, day one brings cramps- and really debilitating ones. The kind where you can't sit, stand, or lay down without pain- the kind that actually wake you up in the middle of the night because they hurt so bad- the kind that make you feel sure you will throw up or pass out- or both- the kind that make you positive that you know what labor pains feel like- the kind that make you absolutely and completely useless to the world. In any case, I spent the last part of mass in the parish office face down on the floor. However, call me crazy, but I was rejoicing so much that I couldn't stop smiling. I loved the pain because God allowed it- He allowed by body to be in pain but realize that my soul was free to be happy an light and peaceful. In the world, we get upset when we can't complete our tasks- when we are not in control and producing a lot of stuff. We must be constantly in action because if we are inactive we will realize that we are useless (because we are...). I had cramps and could do nothing but suffer- but that was all! I had permission to do nothing but offer myself, my pain, my tattered little body, my nothingness to God and I knew He would take care of the rest. And what a gift! I was useless to everyone and everything but God. (And just THINK what the ALMIGHTY GOD OF THE UNIVERSE can do with you!)

In any case, you know cramps don't last forever so live them while you can! We always hear about "suffering" to be like Christ and people want to go do amazing things- that are probably good things, but then a woman gets cramps and sees them as a bother. It's not a bother at all! It's love! It's purification! It's a reminder we are nothing! (As a side note, I don't take pain killers because my body can't handle them- I had overdose symptoms from ONE extra strength Tylenol- the pain was gone but the dizziness was incredible... I said a lot of things I regret when that happened haha... so in the end, I just take the pain and a nap.) Never curse the fact that you have cramps, or that they are disallowing you to complete tasks efficiently if at all, it's one of those times where God is so intensely asking you to give Him yourself that to say no seems ridiculous- almost laughable. What's fun then is throwing up your hands and laughing about it to Jesus- I could've been piously sitting in the pew looking pretty on Easter- but I was going to pass out or throw up- or both- so I had to thank God for communion face down in the parish office. Just me and Him- in my little self. Thanks be to God for menstrual cramps!