"...in spite of all my tears, I felt a great peace deep down within me. Yet this inner peace did not prevent my feeling of immense sorrow. And Jesus was silent. He seemed to have left me and nothing revealed his presence to me."

-St. Therese, Story of a Soul (84)

I am convinced that if people knew themselves we would have many, many saints in our midst. St. Therese admits that she is sorrowful- admits everything that she feels and thinks- and resigns herself to the will of God. It's not getting caught up in your feelings- but admitting them. Being a Christian is crazy- it's like you always know what the right answer is and never have any reason to complain.

Oh Beauty!

"One Sunday when I was looking at a picture of Our Lord on the Cross, I saw the Blood coming from one of His hands and felt terribly sad to think that It was falling to the earth and that no one was rushing foreward to catch It. I determinded to stay continually at the foot of the Cross and recieve It. I knew that I should then have to spread It among other souls. The cry of Jesus on the Cross- "I am thirsty"- rang continually in my heart and sent me burning with a new, intense longing. I wanted to quench the thirst of my Well-Beloved and I myself was consumed with a thirst for souls. I was concerned not with the souls of priests but with those of great sinners which I wanted to snatch from the flames of hell."

-St. Therese, Story of a Soul (63)

Right on Therese- It's so hard for me to see people suffering in the hell they make for themselves when Jesus is pouring out His love for us- if we would only reach out and drink! Grace is ours for the taking- we have only to ask for it! No one can complain about the lack of grace that is offered us because we have infinite opportunities- it's not hard- though it seems so- to just act on the grace that we have inside of us. How often do the married call on the graces stored up from the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony to help them in their daily struggles? How often do the unconfirmed remember that they've been washed in the waters of Baptism and that the grace received in that sacrament lies waiting in their hearts to be stirred up in their souls? Oh if men would only see what they are capable of with God- with the grace he pours on us! Anything! Anything is possible- even wacky stuff like walking on water, weird! Why would God do that? But why not? Anything is possible. I think this is why I continue to enjoy activities such as roller skating and jump roping- why not? We're humans! Let us know 'how great is the joy to which we are called'! Oh beauty!

Small Delights

"Marie took me on her knees on the evening before these days and prepared me just as she had done for my first communion.  I recall how she once spoke to me about suffering.  She said she thought God would always carry me like a baby rather than make me tread the path of suffering.  After Holy Communion next day I remembered this and was seized with passionate longing to suffer.  I felt absolutely certain that Jesus had many, many crosses in store for me.  My soul was flooded with such consolation that I regard it as one of the greatest graces of my life.  I was drawn to suffering.  It had a charm which delighted me, though I didn't really understand much about this charm, for until then I had suffered without loving suffering.  But from that day I felt a deep, true love for it."

              -St. Therese, Story of a Soul

Rosary Making

A nice Sunday morning activity.  Joseph is quite a talented youth!

Responsorial psalm today...

"Let the Lord enter, He is the king of glory!"

Lovely Snowy Saturday

Home to stay!

"I know no better way of considering the greatness of God than to start from this inexpressible and simple fact that he is our father and we are his children"

-St. Josemaria Escriva

Home at last!  I've unpacked nearly everything and already paid a visit to my dear Providence.  On the way home from school my brother asked-

   "What did you put in these cinnamon rolls?"

     "Milk... an egg... flour, sugar...I don't know...?"

    "I think you put drugs in them- because they're addicting."

Why I found that so funny and clever I've no idea but it makes me smile whenever I think about it.  Maybe it was the dry, matter of fact way he said it.  I guess he didn't realize I also put wheat four in these cinnamon rolls... but don't tell, I want them to be gone by tomorrow.

Benjamin's Cockadoodle Christmas

I think you'll be able to tell which one is Benjamin.

John the Baptist

If I could be anybody in the Bible I think I would be John the Baptist. What a crazy guy- and he was the cousin of the Lord. He's such a good example of following the will of God- he just did what he was meant to do and that was that. I love him! I love how all the crazy John the Baptist stuff comes out during advent. What a great season. Repent! For the kingdom of God is at hand!

Immaculate Conception

From Daytime Prayer, Mid-afternoon Reading: 

Christ loved the church.  He gave himself up for her to make her holy, to present to himself a glorious church, holy and immaculate, without stain or wrinkle or anything of that sort.

(Eph. 5:25, 26a, 27)

Your Immaculate Conception, Virgin Mother of God, fills the whole world with joy!

Praise Jesus!

Praise the Lord for he is good;

Sing praise to our God for he is gracious;

It is fitting to praise him. (Ps. 147:1)

So so fitting always and everywhere to praise God!  Sometimes I wish there were more exclamation points in the Bible.  He provides so much for us!  I had a crazy spin out last night on 35W.  It was quite smooth and peaceful.  It's so wonderful to feel peaceful and joyful in the midst of danger.  Guardian Angels are awesome.  Praise God!  

Tired

Anyone else feel like this?  I could use a nice cup of tea.  Too bad my favorite tea has caffeine.  What an odd word to spell.  Caff-e-i-n-e.  Definitely a curling up in a blanket kind of evening.  I'm so thankful school is almost over!  Finals are always a party time.  

I realized this week that I have so many nun hand-me-downs; especially after I got a whole bag of them from a friend who found them in the attic at St. Mark's convent.  I love wearing them and knowing that the women who gave them away became nuns- or at least wanted to.  There were a few crazy poofy 70's things- but the majority are beautiful, conservative, dream clothes that I love to remember are nun hand-me-downs.  Oh what a peaceful life I have!

Fairness Explored

Awhile back Maria's Music had a little post about fairness.  Today I started reading Story of a Soul and our dear sweet St. Therese has some insight on the subject.  

"I had wondered for a long time why God had preferences and why all souls did not receive an equal amount of grace.  I was astonished to see how he showered extraordinary favors on saints who had sinned against him, saints such as St. Paul and St. Augustine.  He forced them, as it were, to accept his graces.  I was just as astonished when I read the lives of the saints to see that our Lord cherished certain favored souls from the cradle to the grave and never allowed any kind of obstacle to check their flight toward him.  He bestowed such favors on them that they were unable to tarnish the spotless splendor of their baptismal robe.  I also wondered why such vast numbers of poor savages died before they had even heard the name of God.  

"Jesus saw it fit to enlighten me about this mystery.  He set the book of nature before me and I saw that all the flowers he has created are lovely.  The splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of its scent or the daisy of its simple charm.  I realized that if every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness and there would be no wildflowers to make the meadows gay.

"It is just the same in the world of souls- which is the garden of Jesus.  He has created the great saints who are like the lilies and the roses, but he has also created much lesser saints and they must be content to be the daisies or the violets which rejoice his eyes whenever he glances down.  Perfection consists in doing his will, in being that which he wants us to be.

"I also understood that God's love shows itself just as well in the simplest soul which puts up no resistance to his grace as it does in the loftiest soul.  Indeed, as it is love's nature to humble itself, if all souls were like those of the holy doctors who have illuminated the Church with the light of their doctrine, it seems that God would not have stooped low enough by entering their hearts.  But God has created the baby who knows nothing and can utter only feeble cries.  He has created the poor savage with no guide, but natural law, and it is to their hearts that he deigns to stoop.  They are his wild flowers who's homeliness delights him.  By stooping down to them, he manifests his infinite grandeur.  The sun shines equally both on cedars and on every tiny flower.  In just the same way God looks after every soul as if it had no equal.  All is planned for the good of every soul, exactly as the seasons are so arranged that the humblest daisy blossoms at the appointed time."

I think I'm going to enjoy this book.  

Cor Jesu THIS FRIDAY

Super Awesome opportunity! Like they said- adoration, confession, worship- 8 PM- St. Paul Seminary in the St. Mary's Chapel. All the cool kids are going. That's all you need to know.

First Week of Advent: Wednesday

The Lord is coming and will not delay; he will bring every hidden thing to light and reveal himself to every nation.

Isn't it nice that the Lord is always faithful even when we aren't?  I feel like a cold soggy fish for being unfaithful- but I can always repent!  God never shows up late for a date- and never forgets.  He's such a good beau. 

First Week of Advent: Monday

Nations, hear the message of the Lord, and make it known to the ends of the earth: Our Savior is coming.  Have no more fear!

A friend kept reminding me that through all this silly stuff in the world and our country that Jesus is Lord.  God will remain in heaven even if the world destroys itself.  Hope in him always! 

To boldly go...

Where no man has gone before!

I hate how they split the infinitive- but it's a good theme song.

Thats right Picard. Earl grey, hot.

Homemade

I've had a couple of good baking/ cooking days and feel quite satisfied with myself (so does my tongue).  Oh how I love home!  So much time to do anything you want and endless baking supplies.  Who wouldn't want to chat over cranberry-almond-citrus scones?  

Or sit in your cozy room sipping  warm homemade turkey broth with a little wild rice and leftover turkey tossed in?
Then finish it all off with a hunk of fresh wheat bread...
This bread's name is Sean- my mom said I had to name it because it turned out so huge.  I'm actually most proud of the turkey stock- though I don't know why- it's just boiling a turkey carcass with some vegetables.  I guess I just feel like a real woman when I can make soup without opening any kind of can or carton.  Of course the scones were made with oil instead of butter- and I actually did put milk in them, though I could have used soy-milk.  Perhaps I will write out the recipe later.  I'm not sorry for the milk because they tasted creamy and delicious (and the company that came with them was equally satisfying).  I can't resist cranberries or conversation.  

My last night at home!  Only two more weeks until finals then I'll be home until February.  The Lord has blessed me abundantly- Praise him!!

Morning

I love mornings at home.  Somehow I always manage to spend an hour or more eating breakfast.  Yesterday morning Joseph and I watched the sun come up before mass.  I ate biscuits with peanut butter and bananas while he drew a picture of the sight.  

This morning Benjamin finished his bunny blanket and taught Joseph how to finger-knit.  He's a good teacher- Joseph even says so.  Don't you miss being a kid and doing activities for hours while not noticing that all you're wearing is spiderman underwear?

Somehow they ended up knitting from the two ends of the same piece of yarn.  They seemed to be pretty jolly about it though, even though the yarn itself was a big tangled mess in the middle.

  After breakfast Joseph played with a toy car in the living room while repeating the phrase "feliz cumpleanos" to himself.  Tell me again why I'm in college and not here...?

New things to be thankful for

I taught Benjamin how to finger-knit today.  He spent many hours making pieces that would be sewn together to make a blanket for his bunny.  He's finally doing something worthwhile with the rainbow yarn he bought at the thrift store this summer (money very well spent).  Oh children are full of endless delights!  Praise Jesus!

I most definitely had

PECAN PIE at lunch in the caf today. I feel quite satisfied with my lunch. St. Olaf students are so spoiled.

Apple season is over...

Remember how delicious it was!

The Law

I read the readings for daily mass every morning and they've always got psalms about loving "the law of the Lord"- I've been thinking more and more about it lately though

"The law of your mouth is to me more precious than thousands of gold and silver pieces" Ps 119:72

"I gasp with open mouth in my yearning for your commands" Ps 119:131

This was one of those things that I always read but never got- not that I didn't understand that the law of the Lord was right, but that's all it was to me the "right thing". The law of the Lord is such a wonderful freeing thing though- I never realized how much you can actually love the law. If you think about it though, it's part of you- it's part of loving yourself, loving the way you were made. The law of the Lord is written on your heart, it's unhealthy to reject it. Everyone who strays from the law gets hurt. You need to take care of yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally and loving the law is part of that. It's not just loving the law because it's right- it's loving the law because it's part of you- it's just like self discovery, obeying the law lets you be yourself completely without inhibitions. Oh how I weep for those who see the law as a restraint- if I thought like that it would suck my soul.

Isn't funny then that we still sin? Stupid. It's just like when people don't exercise, they know it's right and good but they don't love taking care of their bodies so they don't exercise. There is something so holy about exercise. It makes us closer to what we will be like in heaven. If your body is in order, it will obey your soul better. You will be better able to carry out the good you want to do and pay little attention to the evil you do not want to do.

"Yours, O Lord, are grandeur and power,

majesty, splendor, and glory.

For all in heaven and on earth is yours" 1Chr 29:11

This Week at St. Olaf

There's some good music at St. Olaf this week- I would recommend making the drive.

Tuesday 7:00 PM: Brass Night

Thursday 8:15 PM: **PERCUSSION ENSEMBLE CONCERT**
also: Taiko Concert 9:00PM

Friday 8:15 PM: Jazz I Concert

33rd Sunday in Ordinary Time

When one finds a worthy wife,
her value is far beyond pearls.
Her husband, entrusting his heart to her,
has an unfailing prize.
She brings him good, and not evil,
all the days of her life.
She obtains wool and flax
and works with loving hands.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her fingers ply the spindle.
She reaches out her hands to the poor,
and extends her arms to the needy.
Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting;
the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her a reward for her labors,
and let her works praise her at the city gates.

Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31


Praise the Lord in your daily work- be a dutiful and worthy wife to him!

Unleash Your Doggy Diva!

This is what else they're playing on Saturday morning cartoons... it's like bratz- but for dogs. Prepare to barf.



I most definitely prefer watching Brahms bust through the kitchen wall.

Bread Baking

In my little house here at St. Olaf we only eat homemade bread- I don't know if it's cheaper than your run of the mill nasty no fiber white bread- but I'm positive it's less expensive than a good loaf of whole wheat bread. Last year one of my house mates made the bread- now that shes off student teaching- I make it. Over the summer at home we had a store bought bread crisis so I worked out a recipe that I really liked (non-dairy) and made it a whole bunch of times. It's never turned out quite as well at school as it has at home- maybe it's just because we eat it so fast at home when it's still warm and squishy.

1/2 cup warm water
1 TBSP active dry yeast
2 cups not cold water- but not super warm (potato water is good here too)
1/4 oil
1/4-1/3 cup honey
scant TBSP salt
1 cup wheat germ
2 cups wheat flour
3-5 cups white flour (until the dough isn't sticky)

Proof the yeast with a little sugar in the 1/2 cup of water- then in a bowl, add the 2 cups of water, honey, oil and salt. Then add the wheat flour and the wheat germ- if you don't have/want wheat germ just substitute another cup of wheat flour (wheat germ tastes good though- and it. Then add white flour until it's kneadable. Then knead (and add flour if it's sticky) for 8-10 minutes or until you can poke it and it'll poke back. Set to rise in an oiled bowl (with a pretty kitchen towel over it) for an hour- then punch it down, kinda pat it back into a ball and set it to rise for another hour. Punch it down AGAIN, shape it into 2 loaves, place them in oiled pans and set to rise AGAIN- but only for about 40 minutes this time. Bake it at 350 for 30-35 minutes. Now you have bread!

I also love to make buns out of this dough. Bread baking is trickier than making muffins or grilled cheese- it's one of those things you kinda have to feel out. But I've ruined many loaves and wasted many packets of yeast- so don't feel bad if it doesn't work the first time- or the second or third- ok yeah- feel bad for awhile- but don't give up!

Movement III

This is a good example of one of the polyrhythmic sections of Blind Leaving the Blind. I would love to hear this as a mallet instrument ensemble...




This is also the only time I've ever heard him have a tuning issue while singing- even though it's only one note- I think it's kindof a cool recording then- being caught out of tune and all- the rest is pretty much ridiculously incredible though.

Blind Leaving the Blind

This summer I rediscovered Chris Thile's latest album Punch. I tried listening to it when it first came out earlier this year but the opening track "Punch Bowl" was a little to raw musically for me to listen to at the time so I ignored it for awhile. Though the "Punch Bowl" can still kinda rub me the wrong way, I've been endlessly fascinated by the longer work on the album "Blind Leaving the Blind". It's somewhat of a symphony for bluegrass instruments (it's in four movements)- though I think I've heard it been called a suite, I don't feel comfortable calling it such because I thought a suite was a collection of dances- maybe I'm not up on the modern music lingo of what a suite is these days. Anyway, theres so many juicy features in it- it's really not bluegrass unless you peg it as "progressive bluegrass" which is kind of a broad term- it's for bluegrass instruments but it's really art music with folk and pop influences- along with a lot of other influences. There is thick counter point (he loves Bach), polyrhythms (Stravinsky...?), extreme chromaticism- you name it. I did a presentation on John Coltrane's A Love Supreme this week and I'm finding lots of parallels. Though Love Supreme is more spiritual, both are shameless expressions of the author's thoughts and feelings- and both works are more than just pop music. Blind Leaving the Blind even seems to have jazz influences. There is much improvisation- it's organized around themes, lots of call and response- theres even licks that remind me of Philip Glass- anyway to understand it one has to listen- heres a clip of the second movement. Note the chromaticism and the layering (neoclassical...?) I have a hard time identifying atonality because I don't have a very good ear- as my dictation quizzes will prove- but it's hard for me to believe that this is tonal...



Oh to be able to talk to the composer and write a REAL paper on this...!

The Power of the ARTS!

This is what they're showing during Saturday morning cartoons these days. I think it's genius.

Election Day

Remember O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known,
that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help,
or sought thine intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence I fly unto thee,
O Virgin of virgins- my mother,
to thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful,
O Mother of the word incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me. AMEN.

Lord save us! All our trust is in you!

Patience Patience...

The other day I was reading the Bible- like normal people do- and I came across this passage in Sirach (1:22-23):

Unrighteous anger cannot be justified,

for a man's anger tips the scale to his ruin.

A patient man will endure until the right moment,

and then joy will burst fourth for him.

I have always thought of patience as a real sit down and shut up kind of deal. Though one may always be relieved that he was patient, it was more of a calm and quiet thing. I never really thought of joy bursting fourth in the midst of patience. Though that's not really what the verse said, that's what it made me think of. I've always wanted to be that mild and sweet mother character that says things like "Oh dear child, the Blessed Mother smiles upon you" and then light surrounds my head and peace oozes from everywhere.

But I always ended up getting really excited about things and making people shout and dance and do crazy things while we wait. I always saw that as kind of an impulsive fault of mine- but I really think patience can be that way. It can burst fourth with joy. Which is something that I should really keep in mind as I am waiting for many things at the moment and I feel like I should sit down and shut up, but maybe I can have fun while I'm waiting instead and use my time- then I can burst fourth with even more joy when the moment I've been waiting for comes. Oh Mother, help us to LIVE and be patient!

Manly Boy Choir

Thursday night I had to attend the American Boy Choir/ St. Olaf Choir concert for my child and adolescent voice class. I know everyone in the world besides me adores boy choirs but I happen to hate them. I couldn't really but my finger on why before but now I think I know. I always said somehting like "the sound is creepy" "it reminds me of some really sappy but horrible movie". I associated boy choirs with very young boys (under 12) representing "little angels" wearing robes, scooping all of their notes and singing "Christmas Time is Here" from Charlie Brown. Barf. Seriously. But this concert was so drasticly different from anything I could have expected.
While the chapel was still full of that preconcert chatter, one 8th grade boy entered from the back of the chapel and started singing. EVERYONE shut up within a matter of seconds. He didn't think twice that no one was listening- he just expected that everyone would shut up- and everyone did. The rest of the choir filed in on both sides- they were all wearing tuxes- not robes- tuxes. Their voices filled the chapel though there were less then 30 of them and they were little. The sopranos had the most sublime, clean and pure sound- but it was so MANLY. These were human boys- not unisex "little angels" that sing happy songs about flying through the air on silver ponies- they sang chant and songs about rejoicing about God hard core.
The St. Olaf Choir can only beat them in size and volume. They seriously sounded dirty compared to these boys.
At the end of the boy choir portion of the concert, they sang a set of African songs that had more energy and class than I've ever seen in in a choir. This wasn't some "multicultural" experience- this was boys having a blast singing African songs. A few of them played instruments and boy, do I have to hand it to the drummer, he was awesome. They did these crazy actions of digging and chopping while they were singing and not one of them resisted- they were all in it. At one point the conductor left them and stood off to the side, then he threw a 12 ft. stuffed snake in the middle of the choir and they all waved their hands and screamed. Then they ran up and down the chapel aisles- ran. Like boys. Everytime they bowed I wanted to cry- they were all so honorable. They were boys growing into men throgh channeling their energy into creating beauty. This was a school by the way. I mean the Am. Boy Choir is a boarding school in NJ and they all live together, eat together, wake up at 6:45 and go to sleep by 9:30. Yea, order. Oh yes- manly boy choir.

And again...

Sigh... sometimes you wish they would never grow up...

What would we do without siblings?

Oh brothers...

My favorite part is when my Dad comes and tells us to stop.