Another New Friend

Blessed be God in His Angels and in His Saints!

I started reading the Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska on Sunday and every day of reading has been endless fun:

"One day, tired out from all these uncertainties, I asked Jesus, "Jesus are You my God or some kind of phantom? Because my superiors say that there are all sorts of illusions and phantoms. If you are my Lord, I beg you to bless me." Then Jesus made a big sign of the cross over me and I, too, signed myself. When I asked pardon of Jesus for this question, He replied that I had in no way displeased Him by this question and that my confidence pleased Him very much" (54)

The way St. Faustina talks reminds me so much of myself- I always used to bother myself with writing pretty prose or prayers- or just being really formal- in my journal to Jesus (He has since told me that He wants to hear what I say to Him...who woulda thought)- starting a sentence with "because" just seems to me to be a really 6th grade girl thing to do- I do it all the time when I'm rambling- but I love that she does it too! Not that she doesn't write beautifully, but it's so very human!

"O life so dull and monotonous, how many treasures you contain! When I look at everything with the eyes of faith, no two hours are alike, and the dullness and monotony disappear. The grace which is given this hour will not be repeated in the next. It may be given me again, but it will not be the same grace. Time goes on, never to return again. Whatever is enclosed in it will never change; it seals with a seal for eternity" (62)

No Limits

"Your Holy Will is the life of my soul"

-St. Maria Faustina

Blessed be God forever!

I've been struggling these past few weeks with the kind of trials that leave a bad taste in your mouth. They're like when you wake up all hot with that moist feeling behind your ears and for some reason you can't take a shower- it's that type of feeling. Something you feel like you should just ignore but feels gross. Some of these are feelings like 'God won't love me unless I pick up every scrap of paper that I see and do all the dishes even when it's time to go to bed'- and the feeling that I don't deserve to be happy and in fact I shouldn't be happy, if I'm happy there's something wrong with me and something that I should be giving up so that I'm miserable. I shouldn't sit in the SUN and read, I should sit on the floor and mortify my weak flesh for wanting to be warm and comfortable and my weak mind for wanting to enjoy something.

Obviously, these are faulty lines of thinking.

As a side note to what I'm about to say, I've noticed that on Sundays I always go through some sort of depression, anger or some other form of having a "bad day"- does this happen to you? In college it was every Sunday- really got triggered by our house dinners too. It's become very VERY clear to me over the past few years and months that the devil REALLY hates God. He hates everything about God- he hates everything God made- he hates me and wants me to hate God and hates you and wants to make you suffer in torment for all of eternity. HATE!!! He's spent a long time festering in hate looking for every possible opportunity there might be to make us hate God or at least make us indifferent to Him so that we have no chance of being happy or fulfilled in life. Consequently, the devil hates Sundays because it's the Lord's day. So next time you feel grumpy on Sunday or think that you're supposed to be miserable or that you don't deserve to be loved (when I say that out loud it sounds so ridiculous... how could God want us to be miserable and unloved?) REMEMBER THIS:

GOD HAS NO LIMITS!!!

In less than a poof the devil is absolutely powerless against God. We humans are very humble creatures, but that just shows us that we ALREADY depend on God so much for everything so why do we not let Him lavish His love on us? Why do we insist on taking care of our problems ourselves? God is crazy- absolutely crazy- and crazy about you! Can you even conceive of infinite love? I can't. That's why I resist it I suppose- I'm so used to being hurt, why wouldn't God hurt me? Well, because He loves you so much that he SWOONS at every hair on your neck, He gives you millions of nerves so that you can feel AIR MOVING, He will more than bend over backwards to fix your stupid problem that you created and you really regret. And yes, He still loves you when you're imperfect. Sigh. Big one for me. I don't get it but I guess I don't have to. God doesn't limit how much love we get, only we do. God doesn't limit how much forgiveness we receive, only we do. God doesn't limit His mercy or His gifts- even in the Bible He didn't do many miracles in places that had little faith. It wasn't that they weren't worth doing miracles for- I mean those people still had babies (SUPER MIRACLE!) and scads of other everyday miracles, but they limited Him by their lack of faith.

So pray for me, and pray for your friends, that we would not place limits on God- we have Him in amazing ways (cough, the EUCHARIST) and we have every reason to die out of sheer excitement for what He's done. So let yourself! Lord open us up!

Oh, and this is what lent is all about, by the way.

"The really unforgivable sin is the denial of sin, because, by it's nature, there is now nothing to be forgiven."

Servant of God Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Peace of Soul, 71

What God taught me through PMS Part Two

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

Since I wrote part one I fell very ill- no cramps, just a high fever and lots of blowing my nose. Lots of exhaustion too- which is why part two comes today, all in God's plan!

I would say pretty much the most common symptom of PMS is mood swings. This comes in the form of irritability (yelling at your family for eating too loudly), crying all the time for any reason (or no reason at all), feelings of hopelessness or insanity (when everything really. truly. is. fine.), little things seeming like big things (like the time my whole family went to Old Country Buffet and I refused to go- but sobbed SO HARD while they were gone... what?), and just general irrationality ("What do you mean you didn't get tortillas at the store? I knew you never loved me!"). In my opinion, it all boils down to an feeling throughout your whole body of no control.

If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Something is about to happen in your body that you didn't exactly consent to have happen- not to mention all the scads of hormones zipping around (I asked my Mom why I felt insane and she said it was the hormones making my brain swell- now whether or not that was true, it gave me an incredible image...). However, as in all things, someone did consent to have this happen in your body... THE GOD WHO LOVES YOU!!!

Once you realize you have no control over your body, it gives you the opportunity to give up your body. For how afraid we are of our bodies we sure don't like to let go of them! We don't like to give up control for any reason. Either that or we just let our bodies, and consequently our fallen natures, rule us (which seems so comfortable and easy because fallen nature is so familiar to us... but, yeah, it never really works out...) When we give up our bodies we get a chance to imitate Christ on the Cross- didn't seem like He had much control over His body at that time...! However, He had ultimate control. Now, what I mean by this is not that we should give up and be irritable and irrational- but know that we feel irritable and irrational and tell God that since we don't have control over our bodies, He must or we shall be utterly destroyed. It's like St. Therese says "We are too little to be able to always rise above difficulties. Well, then, let us pass beneath them quite simply". When we are weak, HE IS STRONG! "For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain"!!

I must say, recognizing that I don't have control is the hardest thing. For some reason, knowing ourselves seems to get lost in the chatter of everyday life. When I figure out I don't have control, saying "I place my life, my body, my mind, in your hands Jesus and I trust you to guide me to You- to safety, to the greatest love, to my very happiness- and to get all the things done that feel impossible right now done- YOU ARE GOD! AMEN!" is the the next hardest thing. God will guide us when we place our lives in His loving, more than capable hands. The next hardest thing is accepting the happiness and freedom God gives you- cause it'll end up that you'll feel like you have no problems and then you're like "What? This can't be right" BUT IT SO IS!

So this is what God taught me through PMS, I'm useless and I have no control- but He loves me more than I can ever know and treasures me and listens intently to my beating heart and has more than enough time to deal with my PMS problems. In short, God is wonderful.

"Ah! Do not let us stay very far from all that is brilliant. Let us love our littleness, love to feel nothing; then we shall be poor in spirit- and Jesus will come for us, far off as we are"

-St. Therese of Lisieux

In short...

"Ask Christ to help

you become happy"

-St. Paul Miki

Praised be Jesus!

What God taught me through PMS Part One

Praised be Jesus, now and forever!

This weekend I was lamenting the fact that I had no book about spirituality and menstrual cycles. It seems that there should be one- for young, unmarried girls and young adults. When I was taking confirmation classes I remember my small group leader talking to us about how her and her friends reminded each other to offer up their cramps to God instead of complaining about them. When I was in 9th grade I didn't even know what cramps were. I was greatly blessed by having no menstrual pain for many, many years- but it wasn't to be for my whole life. I also didn't notice mood swings or the inability to think rationally- most likely because I was in 9th grade and thought and acted irrationally quite frequently. I remember the first time that I had cramps I didn't know I could be in that much pain- ever. I tried to "bear it patiently" and not moan and complain- which is good. But there's so much more to the Christian life than simply "bearing it".

Last Easter was a huge turning point in my life. God showed me a tiny glimpse of His hugeness and I knew in my body- in my whole being- instead of just in my mind, that nothing in the entire world mattered but God. I went home from the vigil SO HAPPY knowing that I had received heaven- and God made His home in me- and that everything in the whole world was going to work out because Jesus rose from the dead and defeated death forever. I felt as if the whole world was mine- that it didn't matter if I lived or died or was beaten or I never ate again or if I ate three meals a day because God ruled the world and He's... well, God!

When I woke up on Easter morning I also woke up to day one of my period (which is SO always the way when it comes to periods!). Every few months, day one brings cramps- and really debilitating ones. The kind where you can't sit, stand, or lay down without pain- the kind that actually wake you up in the middle of the night because they hurt so bad- the kind that make you feel sure you will throw up or pass out- or both- the kind that make you positive that you know what labor pains feel like- the kind that make you absolutely and completely useless to the world. In any case, I spent the last part of mass in the parish office face down on the floor. However, call me crazy, but I was rejoicing so much that I couldn't stop smiling. I loved the pain because God allowed it- He allowed by body to be in pain but realize that my soul was free to be happy an light and peaceful. In the world, we get upset when we can't complete our tasks- when we are not in control and producing a lot of stuff. We must be constantly in action because if we are inactive we will realize that we are useless (because we are...). I had cramps and could do nothing but suffer- but that was all! I had permission to do nothing but offer myself, my pain, my tattered little body, my nothingness to God and I knew He would take care of the rest. And what a gift! I was useless to everyone and everything but God. (And just THINK what the ALMIGHTY GOD OF THE UNIVERSE can do with you!)

In any case, you know cramps don't last forever so live them while you can! We always hear about "suffering" to be like Christ and people want to go do amazing things- that are probably good things, but then a woman gets cramps and sees them as a bother. It's not a bother at all! It's love! It's purification! It's a reminder we are nothing! (As a side note, I don't take pain killers because my body can't handle them- I had overdose symptoms from ONE extra strength Tylenol- the pain was gone but the dizziness was incredible... I said a lot of things I regret when that happened haha... so in the end, I just take the pain and a nap.) Never curse the fact that you have cramps, or that they are disallowing you to complete tasks efficiently if at all, it's one of those times where God is so intensely asking you to give Him yourself that to say no seems ridiculous- almost laughable. What's fun then is throwing up your hands and laughing about it to Jesus- I could've been piously sitting in the pew looking pretty on Easter- but I was going to pass out or throw up- or both- so I had to thank God for communion face down in the parish office. Just me and Him- in my little self. Thanks be to God for menstrual cramps!

To Save Time and Trouble...

"From all this I have come to the conclusion that I should seek the company of those sisters for whom I have no natural liking and be like the good Samaritan to them. A word and a pleasant smile are often enough to cheer up someone who is sad and upset. But I want to be charitable not only to comfort people. I know I should soon lose heart if that were my aim, for something uttered with the best of intentions can, perhaps, be completely misunderstood. Therefore, to save time and trouble, I try to act solely to please Our Lord..."

-St. Therese, Story of a Soul

So practical! It was a great day when I realized that, if I was married, I would only ever have to worry about pleasing Our Lord. I remember reading the blog of a girl entering the Passionists saying "I want an undivided heart!" I thought, "Well dumb me, I have to be married and I have to live with a divided heart- live a divided life! Husband- Jesus, God-Family. This is stupid! I don't want to be married! I want an undivided heart too!" Well God heard my ineloquent little prayer and showed me that if I'm pleasing Him, I will be pleasing my husband- and if my husband wasn't pleased but God was, well who do you think needs to learn something? Sigh, really seems like a no brainier now that I think about it... God is so smart though as St. Therese puts it "to save time and trouble" let us only act to please our Lord!

"I am sure that God wishes to lead your soul by the path of pure faith, that is by faith without any of the self satisfaction which sentiments and perceived certainty give. From time to time you will receive a ray of light and warmth, and you must live on that, holding on to your faith without any reflex consolation, though ever with a very real, but unfelt joy in the depths of your soul... You will seem to yourself at times to have almost lost your faith and yet it remains whole and entire in the fine point of your soul, all gathered up into so sharp and imperceptible a point that it seems no longer to exist. Close your eyes, and remain with Jesus, saying a loving Amen to all He is gazing at in His Father."

-Blessed Columba Marmion, Union With God, 83

The Presentation of the Lord!

God is so wonderful. I love the Catholic Church because we do so many cool things- like candle blessings, and liturgical colors. Todays liturgical color is white and, of course, it snowed. My friend likes to refer to it as "liturgical snow". I always think of when St. Therese entered Carmel and she was hoping it would snow because she loves so snow much- and it really didn't look like it would, but God made it snow for her! God pays so much attention to us- more than we pay attention to him! At mass this morning the priest talked about how crazy it was that Simeon and Anna recognized God because they always see babies coming through the Temple- they payed attention! May we all pay so much attention to God that we recognize him and his little gifts when someone takes the last bread stick in front of us or when he makes it snow for us!

My Kind of Mothering

The readings for daily mass have been pretty kick-butt lately. I love how the Mother in the first reading today is not only encouraging her sons to be faithful to God because of the law, but because God made the world out of nothing. This Mom not only instilled in her children a fear of the Lord but she educated them about really cool things! So much so that her youngest asks his executioner "what he is waiting for"- Blessed be God forever!

It happened that seven brothers with their mother were arrested
and tortured with whips and scourges by the king,
to force them to eat pork in violation of God’s law.

Most admirable and worthy of everlasting remembrance was the mother,
who saw her seven sons perish in a single day,
yet bore it courageously because of her hope in the Lord.
Filled with a noble spirit that stirred her womanly heart with manly courage,
she exhorted each of them
in the language of their ancestors with these words:
“I do not know how you came into existence in my womb;
it was not I who gave you the breath of life,
nor was it I who set in order
the elements of which each of you is composed.
Therefore, since it is the Creator of the universe
who shapes each man’s beginning,
as he brings about the origin of everything,
he, in his mercy,
will give you back both breath and life,
because you now disregard yourselves for the sake of his law.”

Antiochus, suspecting insult in her words,
thought he was being ridiculed.
As the youngest brother was still alive, the king appealed to him,
not with mere words, but with promises on oath,
to make him rich and happy if he would abandon his ancestral customs:
he would make him his Friend
and entrust him with high office.
When the youth paid no attention to him at all,
the king appealed to the mother,
urging her to advise her boy to save his life.
After he had urged her for a long time,
she went through the motions of persuading her son.
In derision of the cruel tyrant,
she leaned over close to her son and said in their native language:
“Son, have pity on me, who carried you in my womb for nine months,
nursed you for three years, brought you up,
educated and supported you to your present age.
I beg you, child, to look at the heavens and the earth
and see all that is in them;
then you will know that God did not make them out of existing things;
and in the same way the human race came into existence.
Do not be afraid of this executioner,
but be worthy of your brothers and accept death,
so that in the time of mercy I may receive you again with them.”

She had scarcely finished speaking when the youth said:
“What are you waiting for?
I will not obey the king’s command.
I obey the command of the law given to our fathers through Moses.
But you, who have contrived every kind of affliction for the Hebrews,
will not escape the hands of God.”

2 Maccabees 7:1, 20-31

Oh Beauty!

"One Sunday when I was looking at a picture of Our Lord on the Cross, I saw the Blood coming from one of His hands and felt terribly sad to think that It was falling to the earth and that no one was rushing foreward to catch It. I determinded to stay continually at the foot of the Cross and recieve It. I knew that I should then have to spread It among other souls. The cry of Jesus on the Cross- "I am thirsty"- rang continually in my heart and sent me burning with a new, intense longing. I wanted to quench the thirst of my Well-Beloved and I myself was consumed with a thirst for souls. I was concerned not with the souls of priests but with those of great sinners which I wanted to snatch from the flames of hell."

-St. Therese, Story of a Soul (63)

Right on Therese- It's so hard for me to see people suffering in the hell they make for themselves when Jesus is pouring out His love for us- if we would only reach out and drink! Grace is ours for the taking- we have only to ask for it! No one can complain about the lack of grace that is offered us because we have infinite opportunities- it's not hard- though it seems so- to just act on the grace that we have inside of us. How often do the married call on the graces stored up from the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony to help them in their daily struggles? How often do the unconfirmed remember that they've been washed in the waters of Baptism and that the grace received in that sacrament lies waiting in their hearts to be stirred up in their souls? Oh if men would only see what they are capable of with God- with the grace he pours on us! Anything! Anything is possible- even wacky stuff like walking on water, weird! Why would God do that? But why not? Anything is possible. I think this is why I continue to enjoy activities such as roller skating and jump roping- why not? We're humans! Let us know 'how great is the joy to which we are called'! Oh beauty!

Immaculate Conception

From Daytime Prayer, Mid-afternoon Reading: 

Christ loved the church.  He gave himself up for her to make her holy, to present to himself a glorious church, holy and immaculate, without stain or wrinkle or anything of that sort.

(Eph. 5:25, 26a, 27)

Your Immaculate Conception, Virgin Mother of God, fills the whole world with joy!

Praise Jesus!

Praise the Lord for he is good;

Sing praise to our God for he is gracious;

It is fitting to praise him. (Ps. 147:1)

So so fitting always and everywhere to praise God!  Sometimes I wish there were more exclamation points in the Bible.  He provides so much for us!  I had a crazy spin out last night on 35W.  It was quite smooth and peaceful.  It's so wonderful to feel peaceful and joyful in the midst of danger.  Guardian Angels are awesome.  Praise God!  

Fairness Explored

Awhile back Maria's Music had a little post about fairness.  Today I started reading Story of a Soul and our dear sweet St. Therese has some insight on the subject.  

"I had wondered for a long time why God had preferences and why all souls did not receive an equal amount of grace.  I was astonished to see how he showered extraordinary favors on saints who had sinned against him, saints such as St. Paul and St. Augustine.  He forced them, as it were, to accept his graces.  I was just as astonished when I read the lives of the saints to see that our Lord cherished certain favored souls from the cradle to the grave and never allowed any kind of obstacle to check their flight toward him.  He bestowed such favors on them that they were unable to tarnish the spotless splendor of their baptismal robe.  I also wondered why such vast numbers of poor savages died before they had even heard the name of God.  

"Jesus saw it fit to enlighten me about this mystery.  He set the book of nature before me and I saw that all the flowers he has created are lovely.  The splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of its scent or the daisy of its simple charm.  I realized that if every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness and there would be no wildflowers to make the meadows gay.

"It is just the same in the world of souls- which is the garden of Jesus.  He has created the great saints who are like the lilies and the roses, but he has also created much lesser saints and they must be content to be the daisies or the violets which rejoice his eyes whenever he glances down.  Perfection consists in doing his will, in being that which he wants us to be.

"I also understood that God's love shows itself just as well in the simplest soul which puts up no resistance to his grace as it does in the loftiest soul.  Indeed, as it is love's nature to humble itself, if all souls were like those of the holy doctors who have illuminated the Church with the light of their doctrine, it seems that God would not have stooped low enough by entering their hearts.  But God has created the baby who knows nothing and can utter only feeble cries.  He has created the poor savage with no guide, but natural law, and it is to their hearts that he deigns to stoop.  They are his wild flowers who's homeliness delights him.  By stooping down to them, he manifests his infinite grandeur.  The sun shines equally both on cedars and on every tiny flower.  In just the same way God looks after every soul as if it had no equal.  All is planned for the good of every soul, exactly as the seasons are so arranged that the humblest daisy blossoms at the appointed time."

I think I'm going to enjoy this book.  

First Week of Advent: Wednesday

The Lord is coming and will not delay; he will bring every hidden thing to light and reveal himself to every nation.

Isn't it nice that the Lord is always faithful even when we aren't?  I feel like a cold soggy fish for being unfaithful- but I can always repent!  God never shows up late for a date- and never forgets.  He's such a good beau. 

First Week of Advent: Monday

Nations, hear the message of the Lord, and make it known to the ends of the earth: Our Savior is coming.  Have no more fear!

A friend kept reminding me that through all this silly stuff in the world and our country that Jesus is Lord.  God will remain in heaven even if the world destroys itself.  Hope in him always! 

Election Day

Remember O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known,
that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help,
or sought thine intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence I fly unto thee,
O Virgin of virgins- my mother,
to thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful,
O Mother of the word incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me. AMEN.

Lord save us! All our trust is in you!