FREEDOM!

By the abundant grace of Our Lord Jesus I FINISHED COLLEGE!!!!!!! Now I just have teacher certification things to finish, but I'm done! I'm FREE! My exile is OVER!

A million cool things happened since Divine Mercy Sunday- I mean- Easter is always packed with wild spiritual adventures- and I'll probably never write about them- but I will write about one really cool thing I did this semester BLINDFOLDED ROCK CLIMBING.

I took a rock climbing class because I was a senior and I needed no-outside-work kind of class, plus rock climbing is cool. There was just one problem, I don't wear pants. Usually I'm really firm about the skirt only thing- I just hate wearing pants. But I felt this time I had to give in. I figured it would be pretty immodest to rock climb in a skirt, especially because I knew there was no real reason I shouldn't wear pants, I just don't like them. So I got myself a pair of loose fitting athletic pants and went to class.

Long story short, I was one of those kids who improved a lot over the semester because I hadn't really ever climbed before (saving those "community building retreats" we went on in middle school). I always took the easiest way up- meaning any of the most comfortable hand-holds- and I always made sure I was totally balanced before I moved a limb- definitely did NOT want to fall- even if I knew I was attached to a rope which actually pretty much makes falling more than a foot impossible. I kept watching these crazy guys (the real rock climbing guys who owned the fancy shoes and wore ripped khakis) leap to hand-holds out of their reach and then miss- and fall- and then recklessly grab back onto the wall and do it all over again. One day though we did blindfolded climbing- which is when the climber (not the belayer!) wears a blindfold and feels their way up the wall. It was amazing! All of a sudden any hand-hold you find feels good enough- because it's all you have! And you find all sorts of natural cracks and crannies that you never would have noticed had you been looking. And besides that- there are no distractions- you are in your own silent world and all you know is that you are somewhere on the wall and if you keep going you know that you'll get to the top. And I was thinking...

IT'S SO MUCH LIKE THE SPIRITUAL LIFE!

When we're kids we always take the easy way- not because we're lazy, but because we've never prayed before. We look for the big chunky prayers to memorize- we go to church on Sunday, own a Bible (might even read it every now and then!) and try to be good- but why? Because that's what you do! At a certain point though we have to realize that we can't just do something to do it. Just going to church on Sunday doesn't make a relationship with God- we have to participate, we have to explore our faith outside of Sunday- and most importantly we have to communicate with God!

Even still, sometimes all the chunky handholds make us think that they are the only way up the wall, and that using them is the goal. All the hand-holds are certainly the only way to get up the wall, God wills that. We can't find Jesus without reading the Bible, and going to church on Sunday is really, really important- even down to things like having a car and a job are important for a person to live, and how can we climb if we don't have food? But it isn't until God strips us of all sight- letting us feel us completely alone that we begin to search and find all the intricacies of the life he made for us. We begin to see that every second we are alive is an opportunity to get closer to Him.

At first we think that if we go up the wall as we have been, looking for the big easy hand-holds (feeling around for them at this point!), that we will make the same progress. But soon we find out that it not only takes way too long to find those while blindfolded but there's no guarantee that they are even there. In our struggle, however, we do feel a little natural ledge- you might recognize a little piece of a scripture that perfectly fits the situation you are now in or you may see a little gift you could give someone that will go unnoticed to all- in any case, it has helped you go three more feet up the wall. We get kind of used to using everything around us to get up the wall- and we even find a few nice hand-holds on the way! But then the unthinkable happens- you can't find a good enough hand hold and in your grappling around you lose balance and...

YOU FALL!

As you're falling you cry, "Oh Lord! How can you do this to me?? I was doing everything right! Why didn't you give me something to grab on to? Now I am falling! Now I am done for! I trusted you to give me everything I needed to be successful in climbing this wall! You said I would be happy if I followed you! I am not happy! I am falling! And what's worse- I can't see anything- you blinded me! I am lost!" This I like to think of as like- losing your job, or not being able to find one, or having someone yell at you for making a mistake- or even falling into a sin. Little did you know that God was holding you on the rope so tightly and was so closely monitoring your progress that when you fell off the wall, you didn't actually lose any ground. Nothing is actually wrong and you just freaked out for nothing. You are hanging there apart from the wall and God is just holding you. All you feel is Him holding you. You can't see anything, you can't feel anything , you are just hanging in mid air thinking- how am I not dead? How is it that I am surviving without everything being perfect? How am I surviving without the house being clean, or with overwhelming fatigue? The truth is, God is way bigger than you and loves you so much that He is personally holding you in mid-air until you figure out that all you have to do is grab onto the wall and keep climbing. He as shown you His presence, but only after long suffering and failure- not to mention having to notice and USE all the gifts He gave you- even down to the most minute detail.

At the end of that day's climb, you don't have to climb blindfolded again- but if you get distracted and forget God, you might want to. And besides, you know now that if you fall He WILL hold you- and is always holding you! And when you use all the chunky hand-holds now you will see that they will only propel you up the wall quicker and so you rejoice in using them- instead of being dependent. Oh! Isn't God wonderful? He thinks of everything!

In any case, I thought it was a neat comparison and there's so much else in it that I could write- but I'll leave that to the Lord to reveal in our hearts! All praise be to Him forever!

Sunday

First of all, can I just say that I love God? Seriously, He's just so amazing and normal and there but not and just every incredible paradox you could ever think of. What the heck- no wonder He's can create a universe- I mean- really. And in two weeks it will be the first Sunday of Advent. I'm ridiculously excited for Christmas this year.

In any case I've been pretty down this week because of my classes. I go to a Christian school and all but there are many here who still ascribe to worldly ideas. In my "Jesus in Scripture and Tradition" class we keep talking about the "historical Jesus" and what stories in the New Testament are historical and what words those early Christians decided to put in Jesus' mouth. While reading about it all these arguments can make sense and for awhile I felt like I was in this weird state of "but I thought these things were real!"- and then I remembered that God exists. I think people get so into things so fast- even studying Jesus- that they forget that God exists. God times things so well. First of all he had Jesus be Jewish (I had a friend freak out about how cool it was that Jesus was Jewish this week- little did she know I was thinking the same thing!). The Jews were so cool- they had everything figured out- or rather, God had figured everything out for them with the 10 commandments and Solomon and the prophets- plus they really knew how to worship, study God, and party. In short, they knew how to live. Granted at Jesus time there was some corruption and oppression and tax collecting, but hey, who doesn't do a little tax collecting every now and then? Plus, in Jesus time the Romans were lording over the Jews- and what were the Romans? They were some pretty intelligent folks- I mean God putting himself in Greco-Roman influenced society was just about the smartest move ever- those guys had it all figured out too! And on top of it all GOD did it! Why are we even asking if Jesus really turned the water into wine at the wedding in Canna, or what Jesus "really said"- Jesus said it all because it's holy scripture! Did Jesus eat on the Wednesday before passover or Thursday night when passover was beginning? Can't the answer be "yes"? Can't God do what he sees fit? Can't we live with paradoxes? Do scholars every pray? Do we have to forget that we're not God the second we start studying something? Can't we love what God gave us? Humans!

In the meantime it's Sunday and I'm deciding to focus on what God gave me this week. The world gives me so much crap and it weighs me down. God gives me love and light and life. Let us continually give thanks to Him! There is nothing better for us to do than to give ourselves wholly and unreservedly to God!

Creativity

My family doesn't do Halloween but it doesn't stop me from appreciating the creativity of the costumes that I'm seeing around campus. The most charming one I saw was a Batman and Robin pair on a two person bike- The Batman cried, "the wind Robin! The wind!!", and Robin stiffly replied "pedal harder." In the Caf I saw a "dark and stormy knight"- which was a guy dressed in black armor carrying an umbrella. But the most creative I think was the guy dressed up as a tea bag. He had sacks of leaves tied up in tulle on either side of him with a Lipton logo hanging off. Genius.
Notice that all of these were males. It seems males are much more creative when it comes to dressing themselves in costumes. I've seen slut after prostitute after naughty this or that- it seems the girls can't think past being some sexual object. Even when they dress up as something- it has to be low cut, short, or skin tight- preferably with heels you can't walk in. Where's the creativity in that? What's the point of dressing up as a skank if everyone else is too? Sigh. The only guy I saw showing skin was a guy wearing a kilt and body paint. Besides it's like 30 degrees. Oh for elementary school when people dressed as paper dolls or a living room lamp or a bike or pizza or favorite book characters! Viva creativity!

Plus I'm more excited for the REAL holy-day tomorrow. Celebrating all the Saints!! I'd say tomorrow is definitely a day for meat and treats!

And That Too...

Alright, I'm too the point where I'm feeling sick when I hear a swear word. I'm sick of negativity. I'm sick of complaints about things that are wonderful. I'm sick of sexual humor- sick of hearing about people I love getting drunk. DOWN WITH APATHY!

Today in my "Jesus in Scripture and Tradition" class the teacher was talking about the gospel of Mark (and how COOL it is!), and how Jesus demands that we, as Christians, need to operate so differently than how the world operates. He talked about how if we are followers of Christ, we will suffer because Christ suffered- and if for some reason we aren't suffering- we may want to ask why. I could hardly believe that those words were spoken in that classroom. He said it hurts to follow Jesus because it hurts to be different. How it hurts more to see others suffer without Christ though! These poor people feed on complains only to find that complaints only cause the soul to become bitter and helpless. It's just like eating too much fast food. The negativity here has pressed on me ever since I got here at the beginning of the year. It's horrible to witness- and sometimes in my own sorrows I wish I could just complain- but my taste for fast food has waned in the past few years and I know the consequences of living that way. The thing is, God wants our whole selves. He wants us to question how things are done, he wants us to realize that his laws were revealed to us for us. He wants us to have undivided hearts. Oh yes- and he wants that too- whatever that may be for you. Swearing for some odd satisfaction, getting drunk because thats what you do in college, telling a sex joke so that you can futher pervert and turn into a killing machine one of the most holy and beautiful acts God has entrusted to us. Down with apathy, down with mediocrity, down with not loving, down with holding things back from God. Let yourself be opened and let the light of Christ purify you! Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God!

Saturday Awesomeness

So, I'm sitting in the music library trying to do homework and I look out the window only to see two kids, a brother and sister, walking cheerfully on the sidewalk below with brown bags over their heads.

Do I need to say more?

Love! Only Love!

"On our way to Rome we crossed Switzerland and saw its mountains with their snow covered summits lost in clouds, it's waterfalls, it's deep valleys thick with huge ferns and purple heather. It was wonderfully good for me to see all the richness of this natural loveliness. My soul soared up to Him who delights to scatter such masterpieces over the place where we spend our brief time of exile. Sometimes we were carried up to the mountain peaks, and precipices, whose depths our eyes could not plumb, opened at our feet as if to engulf us. Then we passed through a charming village, with it's chalets and graceful church spire over which wisps of cloud were drifting. Later the blue waters of a great lake, calm and clear, would catch the glory of the setting sun.

"But how can I describe what I felt before the wonder and the poetry of these scenes? They were a foretaste of the splendors of heaven. I saw life in a convent as it really is, with all it's restrictions and it's little daily hidden sacrifices. I realized how easy it would be to become wrapped up in oneself and forget the sublime purpose of our vocation. I said: "Later, in the hour of trial, when I am imprisoned in Carmel and able to see only a small patch of sky, I shall recall today and it will give me strength. All my trifling affairs will be lost in the power and majesty of God. I shall love only Him and I shall escape the misfortune of attaching myself to trifles, now that I have glimpsed what He has in store for those who love Him.""

-St. Therese of Lisieux, Story of a Soul

Last Look at Aaker

Not aching to be back at all- I just love sunny window sills- especially in the prayer room and the kitchen.  I think I'll miss that tree though- and the gorgeous shadows it casts on the house.  School closed exactly a week ago and it feels like forever ago.  Thank you Jesus so much for summer!

Drinking in Blossoms

Gracie and I watched all 6 or so hours of Anne of Green Gables so far this weekend.  One of my favorite parts is when Anne, wildly happy as a result of coming home after a year of teaching and exhausting romance, shoves a bouquet of wild flowers in Marilla's face and says "Smell them Marilla- drink them in!"  Seems like such a lovely idea.  

Sunny Weekend

It's March!  God blessed me so much with this house.  What a peaceful sight to wake up to!

"... Conduct yourselves with reverence... realizing that you were ransomed from your futile conduct... not with perishable things like silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ..."

-1 Pt. 1:17-19

I most definitely had

PECAN PIE at lunch in the caf today. I feel quite satisfied with my lunch. St. Olaf students are so spoiled.

This Week at St. Olaf

There's some good music at St. Olaf this week- I would recommend making the drive.

Tuesday 7:00 PM: Brass Night

Thursday 8:15 PM: **PERCUSSION ENSEMBLE CONCERT**
also: Taiko Concert 9:00PM

Friday 8:15 PM: Jazz I Concert

Manly Boy Choir

Thursday night I had to attend the American Boy Choir/ St. Olaf Choir concert for my child and adolescent voice class. I know everyone in the world besides me adores boy choirs but I happen to hate them. I couldn't really but my finger on why before but now I think I know. I always said somehting like "the sound is creepy" "it reminds me of some really sappy but horrible movie". I associated boy choirs with very young boys (under 12) representing "little angels" wearing robes, scooping all of their notes and singing "Christmas Time is Here" from Charlie Brown. Barf. Seriously. But this concert was so drasticly different from anything I could have expected.
While the chapel was still full of that preconcert chatter, one 8th grade boy entered from the back of the chapel and started singing. EVERYONE shut up within a matter of seconds. He didn't think twice that no one was listening- he just expected that everyone would shut up- and everyone did. The rest of the choir filed in on both sides- they were all wearing tuxes- not robes- tuxes. Their voices filled the chapel though there were less then 30 of them and they were little. The sopranos had the most sublime, clean and pure sound- but it was so MANLY. These were human boys- not unisex "little angels" that sing happy songs about flying through the air on silver ponies- they sang chant and songs about rejoicing about God hard core.
The St. Olaf Choir can only beat them in size and volume. They seriously sounded dirty compared to these boys.
At the end of the boy choir portion of the concert, they sang a set of African songs that had more energy and class than I've ever seen in in a choir. This wasn't some "multicultural" experience- this was boys having a blast singing African songs. A few of them played instruments and boy, do I have to hand it to the drummer, he was awesome. They did these crazy actions of digging and chopping while they were singing and not one of them resisted- they were all in it. At one point the conductor left them and stood off to the side, then he threw a 12 ft. stuffed snake in the middle of the choir and they all waved their hands and screamed. Then they ran up and down the chapel aisles- ran. Like boys. Everytime they bowed I wanted to cry- they were all so honorable. They were boys growing into men throgh channeling their energy into creating beauty. This was a school by the way. I mean the Am. Boy Choir is a boarding school in NJ and they all live together, eat together, wake up at 6:45 and go to sleep by 9:30. Yea, order. Oh yes- manly boy choir.