No Limits

"Your Holy Will is the life of my soul"

-St. Maria Faustina

Blessed be God forever!

I've been struggling these past few weeks with the kind of trials that leave a bad taste in your mouth. They're like when you wake up all hot with that moist feeling behind your ears and for some reason you can't take a shower- it's that type of feeling. Something you feel like you should just ignore but feels gross. Some of these are feelings like 'God won't love me unless I pick up every scrap of paper that I see and do all the dishes even when it's time to go to bed'- and the feeling that I don't deserve to be happy and in fact I shouldn't be happy, if I'm happy there's something wrong with me and something that I should be giving up so that I'm miserable. I shouldn't sit in the SUN and read, I should sit on the floor and mortify my weak flesh for wanting to be warm and comfortable and my weak mind for wanting to enjoy something.

Obviously, these are faulty lines of thinking.

As a side note to what I'm about to say, I've noticed that on Sundays I always go through some sort of depression, anger or some other form of having a "bad day"- does this happen to you? In college it was every Sunday- really got triggered by our house dinners too. It's become very VERY clear to me over the past few years and months that the devil REALLY hates God. He hates everything about God- he hates everything God made- he hates me and wants me to hate God and hates you and wants to make you suffer in torment for all of eternity. HATE!!! He's spent a long time festering in hate looking for every possible opportunity there might be to make us hate God or at least make us indifferent to Him so that we have no chance of being happy or fulfilled in life. Consequently, the devil hates Sundays because it's the Lord's day. So next time you feel grumpy on Sunday or think that you're supposed to be miserable or that you don't deserve to be loved (when I say that out loud it sounds so ridiculous... how could God want us to be miserable and unloved?) REMEMBER THIS:

GOD HAS NO LIMITS!!!

In less than a poof the devil is absolutely powerless against God. We humans are very humble creatures, but that just shows us that we ALREADY depend on God so much for everything so why do we not let Him lavish His love on us? Why do we insist on taking care of our problems ourselves? God is crazy- absolutely crazy- and crazy about you! Can you even conceive of infinite love? I can't. That's why I resist it I suppose- I'm so used to being hurt, why wouldn't God hurt me? Well, because He loves you so much that he SWOONS at every hair on your neck, He gives you millions of nerves so that you can feel AIR MOVING, He will more than bend over backwards to fix your stupid problem that you created and you really regret. And yes, He still loves you when you're imperfect. Sigh. Big one for me. I don't get it but I guess I don't have to. God doesn't limit how much love we get, only we do. God doesn't limit how much forgiveness we receive, only we do. God doesn't limit His mercy or His gifts- even in the Bible He didn't do many miracles in places that had little faith. It wasn't that they weren't worth doing miracles for- I mean those people still had babies (SUPER MIRACLE!) and scads of other everyday miracles, but they limited Him by their lack of faith.

So pray for me, and pray for your friends, that we would not place limits on God- we have Him in amazing ways (cough, the EUCHARIST) and we have every reason to die out of sheer excitement for what He's done. So let yourself! Lord open us up!

Oh, and this is what lent is all about, by the way.

"The really unforgivable sin is the denial of sin, because, by it's nature, there is now nothing to be forgiven."

Servant of God Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Peace of Soul, 71

What God taught me through PMS Part Two

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

Since I wrote part one I fell very ill- no cramps, just a high fever and lots of blowing my nose. Lots of exhaustion too- which is why part two comes today, all in God's plan!

I would say pretty much the most common symptom of PMS is mood swings. This comes in the form of irritability (yelling at your family for eating too loudly), crying all the time for any reason (or no reason at all), feelings of hopelessness or insanity (when everything really. truly. is. fine.), little things seeming like big things (like the time my whole family went to Old Country Buffet and I refused to go- but sobbed SO HARD while they were gone... what?), and just general irrationality ("What do you mean you didn't get tortillas at the store? I knew you never loved me!"). In my opinion, it all boils down to an feeling throughout your whole body of no control.

If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Something is about to happen in your body that you didn't exactly consent to have happen- not to mention all the scads of hormones zipping around (I asked my Mom why I felt insane and she said it was the hormones making my brain swell- now whether or not that was true, it gave me an incredible image...). However, as in all things, someone did consent to have this happen in your body... THE GOD WHO LOVES YOU!!!

Once you realize you have no control over your body, it gives you the opportunity to give up your body. For how afraid we are of our bodies we sure don't like to let go of them! We don't like to give up control for any reason. Either that or we just let our bodies, and consequently our fallen natures, rule us (which seems so comfortable and easy because fallen nature is so familiar to us... but, yeah, it never really works out...) When we give up our bodies we get a chance to imitate Christ on the Cross- didn't seem like He had much control over His body at that time...! However, He had ultimate control. Now, what I mean by this is not that we should give up and be irritable and irrational- but know that we feel irritable and irrational and tell God that since we don't have control over our bodies, He must or we shall be utterly destroyed. It's like St. Therese says "We are too little to be able to always rise above difficulties. Well, then, let us pass beneath them quite simply". When we are weak, HE IS STRONG! "For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain"!!

I must say, recognizing that I don't have control is the hardest thing. For some reason, knowing ourselves seems to get lost in the chatter of everyday life. When I figure out I don't have control, saying "I place my life, my body, my mind, in your hands Jesus and I trust you to guide me to You- to safety, to the greatest love, to my very happiness- and to get all the things done that feel impossible right now done- YOU ARE GOD! AMEN!" is the the next hardest thing. God will guide us when we place our lives in His loving, more than capable hands. The next hardest thing is accepting the happiness and freedom God gives you- cause it'll end up that you'll feel like you have no problems and then you're like "What? This can't be right" BUT IT SO IS!

So this is what God taught me through PMS, I'm useless and I have no control- but He loves me more than I can ever know and treasures me and listens intently to my beating heart and has more than enough time to deal with my PMS problems. In short, God is wonderful.

"Ah! Do not let us stay very far from all that is brilliant. Let us love our littleness, love to feel nothing; then we shall be poor in spirit- and Jesus will come for us, far off as we are"

-St. Therese of Lisieux

In short...

"Ask Christ to help

you become happy"

-St. Paul Miki

Praised be Jesus!

What God taught me through PMS Part One

Praised be Jesus, now and forever!

This weekend I was lamenting the fact that I had no book about spirituality and menstrual cycles. It seems that there should be one- for young, unmarried girls and young adults. When I was taking confirmation classes I remember my small group leader talking to us about how her and her friends reminded each other to offer up their cramps to God instead of complaining about them. When I was in 9th grade I didn't even know what cramps were. I was greatly blessed by having no menstrual pain for many, many years- but it wasn't to be for my whole life. I also didn't notice mood swings or the inability to think rationally- most likely because I was in 9th grade and thought and acted irrationally quite frequently. I remember the first time that I had cramps I didn't know I could be in that much pain- ever. I tried to "bear it patiently" and not moan and complain- which is good. But there's so much more to the Christian life than simply "bearing it".

Last Easter was a huge turning point in my life. God showed me a tiny glimpse of His hugeness and I knew in my body- in my whole being- instead of just in my mind, that nothing in the entire world mattered but God. I went home from the vigil SO HAPPY knowing that I had received heaven- and God made His home in me- and that everything in the whole world was going to work out because Jesus rose from the dead and defeated death forever. I felt as if the whole world was mine- that it didn't matter if I lived or died or was beaten or I never ate again or if I ate three meals a day because God ruled the world and He's... well, God!

When I woke up on Easter morning I also woke up to day one of my period (which is SO always the way when it comes to periods!). Every few months, day one brings cramps- and really debilitating ones. The kind where you can't sit, stand, or lay down without pain- the kind that actually wake you up in the middle of the night because they hurt so bad- the kind that make you feel sure you will throw up or pass out- or both- the kind that make you positive that you know what labor pains feel like- the kind that make you absolutely and completely useless to the world. In any case, I spent the last part of mass in the parish office face down on the floor. However, call me crazy, but I was rejoicing so much that I couldn't stop smiling. I loved the pain because God allowed it- He allowed by body to be in pain but realize that my soul was free to be happy an light and peaceful. In the world, we get upset when we can't complete our tasks- when we are not in control and producing a lot of stuff. We must be constantly in action because if we are inactive we will realize that we are useless (because we are...). I had cramps and could do nothing but suffer- but that was all! I had permission to do nothing but offer myself, my pain, my tattered little body, my nothingness to God and I knew He would take care of the rest. And what a gift! I was useless to everyone and everything but God. (And just THINK what the ALMIGHTY GOD OF THE UNIVERSE can do with you!)

In any case, you know cramps don't last forever so live them while you can! We always hear about "suffering" to be like Christ and people want to go do amazing things- that are probably good things, but then a woman gets cramps and sees them as a bother. It's not a bother at all! It's love! It's purification! It's a reminder we are nothing! (As a side note, I don't take pain killers because my body can't handle them- I had overdose symptoms from ONE extra strength Tylenol- the pain was gone but the dizziness was incredible... I said a lot of things I regret when that happened haha... so in the end, I just take the pain and a nap.) Never curse the fact that you have cramps, or that they are disallowing you to complete tasks efficiently if at all, it's one of those times where God is so intensely asking you to give Him yourself that to say no seems ridiculous- almost laughable. What's fun then is throwing up your hands and laughing about it to Jesus- I could've been piously sitting in the pew looking pretty on Easter- but I was going to pass out or throw up- or both- so I had to thank God for communion face down in the parish office. Just me and Him- in my little self. Thanks be to God for menstrual cramps!

To Save Time and Trouble...

"From all this I have come to the conclusion that I should seek the company of those sisters for whom I have no natural liking and be like the good Samaritan to them. A word and a pleasant smile are often enough to cheer up someone who is sad and upset. But I want to be charitable not only to comfort people. I know I should soon lose heart if that were my aim, for something uttered with the best of intentions can, perhaps, be completely misunderstood. Therefore, to save time and trouble, I try to act solely to please Our Lord..."

-St. Therese, Story of a Soul

So practical! It was a great day when I realized that, if I was married, I would only ever have to worry about pleasing Our Lord. I remember reading the blog of a girl entering the Passionists saying "I want an undivided heart!" I thought, "Well dumb me, I have to be married and I have to live with a divided heart- live a divided life! Husband- Jesus, God-Family. This is stupid! I don't want to be married! I want an undivided heart too!" Well God heard my ineloquent little prayer and showed me that if I'm pleasing Him, I will be pleasing my husband- and if my husband wasn't pleased but God was, well who do you think needs to learn something? Sigh, really seems like a no brainier now that I think about it... God is so smart though as St. Therese puts it "to save time and trouble" let us only act to please our Lord!

Summer is Winding Down...

But there's still a nice sunny spot on the swing!

I've decided- after the whole summer- that I miss blogging- and writing- and I'm going to do it more. This has been another one of those summers where I feel useless to the world. Both my parents have been working and so I've been taking care of the three little(r) ones. I vowed to make money with my sewing machine and all I made was a tie as a gift and 1 needed Sunday dress for myself. God gave me money in one way or another as He saw fit- so I'm quite content- plus I can't complain that I got to do "mom" things for three months. God's way is always the best way anyhow :)

"I am sure that God wishes to lead your soul by the path of pure faith, that is by faith without any of the self satisfaction which sentiments and perceived certainty give. From time to time you will receive a ray of light and warmth, and you must live on that, holding on to your faith without any reflex consolation, though ever with a very real, but unfelt joy in the depths of your soul... You will seem to yourself at times to have almost lost your faith and yet it remains whole and entire in the fine point of your soul, all gathered up into so sharp and imperceptible a point that it seems no longer to exist. Close your eyes, and remain with Jesus, saying a loving Amen to all He is gazing at in His Father."

-Blessed Columba Marmion, Union With God, 83

Freedom Continued

Praised be Jesus!

So one of my first acts of freedom from school was to become a committed adorer at my church. I've wanted to do it for a long time but never could because I would have had to find a sub for 9 months of the year. Being young, I always think that I never need to sleep and that getting up to meet a lover in the middle of the night is really romantic so I signed up for a 1-2 AM slot. Well, my thoughts about it were definitely more romantic than it actually was. I mean, if you think about it, it was perfectly romantic- the kind of romantic where you boyfriend tries to dip you backwards to kiss you but ends up shoving his nose in your eye. I think you know what I mean.

First I couldn't get in because I don't know how the lock on the door works and a tall man named Pierre had to get up and let me in, then in my excitement I ran up to the front of the chapel to adore Jesus in the front row but I was really noisy because I'm an 8 year old in a 22 year old's body- then I realized that because I'm in my favorite corner I can't see the clock and don't have one on me so I have no idea when to leave- I decided to guess (I was right!) but then as I was leaving I accidentally slammed the door- really loud- at 2 in the morning. Sigh. Well I guess it shows how much the Lord loves- it's like we're married and can clean our ears in the same room. God is so wonderful.

FREEDOM!

By the abundant grace of Our Lord Jesus I FINISHED COLLEGE!!!!!!! Now I just have teacher certification things to finish, but I'm done! I'm FREE! My exile is OVER!

A million cool things happened since Divine Mercy Sunday- I mean- Easter is always packed with wild spiritual adventures- and I'll probably never write about them- but I will write about one really cool thing I did this semester BLINDFOLDED ROCK CLIMBING.

I took a rock climbing class because I was a senior and I needed no-outside-work kind of class, plus rock climbing is cool. There was just one problem, I don't wear pants. Usually I'm really firm about the skirt only thing- I just hate wearing pants. But I felt this time I had to give in. I figured it would be pretty immodest to rock climb in a skirt, especially because I knew there was no real reason I shouldn't wear pants, I just don't like them. So I got myself a pair of loose fitting athletic pants and went to class.

Long story short, I was one of those kids who improved a lot over the semester because I hadn't really ever climbed before (saving those "community building retreats" we went on in middle school). I always took the easiest way up- meaning any of the most comfortable hand-holds- and I always made sure I was totally balanced before I moved a limb- definitely did NOT want to fall- even if I knew I was attached to a rope which actually pretty much makes falling more than a foot impossible. I kept watching these crazy guys (the real rock climbing guys who owned the fancy shoes and wore ripped khakis) leap to hand-holds out of their reach and then miss- and fall- and then recklessly grab back onto the wall and do it all over again. One day though we did blindfolded climbing- which is when the climber (not the belayer!) wears a blindfold and feels their way up the wall. It was amazing! All of a sudden any hand-hold you find feels good enough- because it's all you have! And you find all sorts of natural cracks and crannies that you never would have noticed had you been looking. And besides that- there are no distractions- you are in your own silent world and all you know is that you are somewhere on the wall and if you keep going you know that you'll get to the top. And I was thinking...

IT'S SO MUCH LIKE THE SPIRITUAL LIFE!

When we're kids we always take the easy way- not because we're lazy, but because we've never prayed before. We look for the big chunky prayers to memorize- we go to church on Sunday, own a Bible (might even read it every now and then!) and try to be good- but why? Because that's what you do! At a certain point though we have to realize that we can't just do something to do it. Just going to church on Sunday doesn't make a relationship with God- we have to participate, we have to explore our faith outside of Sunday- and most importantly we have to communicate with God!

Even still, sometimes all the chunky handholds make us think that they are the only way up the wall, and that using them is the goal. All the hand-holds are certainly the only way to get up the wall, God wills that. We can't find Jesus without reading the Bible, and going to church on Sunday is really, really important- even down to things like having a car and a job are important for a person to live, and how can we climb if we don't have food? But it isn't until God strips us of all sight- letting us feel us completely alone that we begin to search and find all the intricacies of the life he made for us. We begin to see that every second we are alive is an opportunity to get closer to Him.

At first we think that if we go up the wall as we have been, looking for the big easy hand-holds (feeling around for them at this point!), that we will make the same progress. But soon we find out that it not only takes way too long to find those while blindfolded but there's no guarantee that they are even there. In our struggle, however, we do feel a little natural ledge- you might recognize a little piece of a scripture that perfectly fits the situation you are now in or you may see a little gift you could give someone that will go unnoticed to all- in any case, it has helped you go three more feet up the wall. We get kind of used to using everything around us to get up the wall- and we even find a few nice hand-holds on the way! But then the unthinkable happens- you can't find a good enough hand hold and in your grappling around you lose balance and...

YOU FALL!

As you're falling you cry, "Oh Lord! How can you do this to me?? I was doing everything right! Why didn't you give me something to grab on to? Now I am falling! Now I am done for! I trusted you to give me everything I needed to be successful in climbing this wall! You said I would be happy if I followed you! I am not happy! I am falling! And what's worse- I can't see anything- you blinded me! I am lost!" This I like to think of as like- losing your job, or not being able to find one, or having someone yell at you for making a mistake- or even falling into a sin. Little did you know that God was holding you on the rope so tightly and was so closely monitoring your progress that when you fell off the wall, you didn't actually lose any ground. Nothing is actually wrong and you just freaked out for nothing. You are hanging there apart from the wall and God is just holding you. All you feel is Him holding you. You can't see anything, you can't feel anything , you are just hanging in mid air thinking- how am I not dead? How is it that I am surviving without everything being perfect? How am I surviving without the house being clean, or with overwhelming fatigue? The truth is, God is way bigger than you and loves you so much that He is personally holding you in mid-air until you figure out that all you have to do is grab onto the wall and keep climbing. He as shown you His presence, but only after long suffering and failure- not to mention having to notice and USE all the gifts He gave you- even down to the most minute detail.

At the end of that day's climb, you don't have to climb blindfolded again- but if you get distracted and forget God, you might want to. And besides, you know now that if you fall He WILL hold you- and is always holding you! And when you use all the chunky hand-holds now you will see that they will only propel you up the wall quicker and so you rejoice in using them- instead of being dependent. Oh! Isn't God wonderful? He thinks of everything!

In any case, I thought it was a neat comparison and there's so much else in it that I could write- but I'll leave that to the Lord to reveal in our hearts! All praise be to Him forever!

Divine Mercy Sunday!

So a million cool things happened to me since February, but I didn't blog about them because- well, I just didn't. But this story is too wonderful not to share- so here's a little excerpt from the diary of St. Faustina! Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One- have mercy on us and on the whole world!

This morning after completing my spiritual exercises, I began at once to crochet. I sensed a stillness in my heart; I sensed that Jesus was resting in it. That deep and sweet consciousness of God's presence prompted me to say to the Lord,

"O Most Holy Trinity dwelling in my heart, I beg you: grant the grace of conversion to as many souls as the stitches that I make today with this crochet hook."

Then I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, too great are your demands.

"Jesus, You know that for You it is easier to grant much rather than a little."

That is so, it is less difficult for Me to grant a soul much rather than a little, but every conversion of a sinful soul demands sacrifice.

"Well, Jesus, I offer You this whole-hearted work of mind; this offering does not seem to me to be too small for such a large number of souls; You know, Jesus, that for thirty years You were saving souls by just this kind of work. And since holy obedience forbids me to perform great penances and mortifications, therefore I ask You, Lord: accept these mere nothings stamped with the seal of obedience as great things."

Then I heard a voice in my soul: My dear daughter, I comply with your request.

The Presentation of the Lord!

God is so wonderful. I love the Catholic Church because we do so many cool things- like candle blessings, and liturgical colors. Todays liturgical color is white and, of course, it snowed. My friend likes to refer to it as "liturgical snow". I always think of when St. Therese entered Carmel and she was hoping it would snow because she loves so snow much- and it really didn't look like it would, but God made it snow for her! God pays so much attention to us- more than we pay attention to him! At mass this morning the priest talked about how crazy it was that Simeon and Anna recognized God because they always see babies coming through the Temple- they payed attention! May we all pay so much attention to God that we recognize him and his little gifts when someone takes the last bread stick in front of us or when he makes it snow for us!

I will strike you down and cut off your head

David answered him:

“You come against me with sword and spear and scimitar,

but I come against you in the name of the LORD of hosts,

the God of the armies of Israel that you have insulted.

Today the LORD shall deliver you into my hand;

I will strike you down and cut off your head.

This very day I will leave your corpse

and the corpses of the Philistine army for the birds of the air

and the beasts of the field;

thus the whole land shall learn that Israel has a God.

All this multitude, too,

shall learn that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves.

For the battle is the LORD’s and he shall deliver you into our hands.”

(1 Samuel 17)

So, the Devil is really stupid.  But often times for stupid reasons we listen to his lies and throw ourselves into a tizzy.  The reading about how David whooped Goliath today was so great for me to read since lately the Devil has been really bothering me with all sorts of crap.  But that's just what it is- crap!  He comes against me with physical temptations and intellectual lies and so often I come up against him with nothing- and all by myself.  

The Philistine said to David,

“Am I a dog that you come against me with a staff?”

Then the Philistine cursed David by his gods

and said to him, “Come here to me,

and I will leave your flesh for the birds of the air

and the beasts of the field.”

But God is so HUGE!  And God is ALWAYS THERE and with one tiny thought he is able to 'strike him down and cut off his head'.  Why don't I come against the Devil in the Name of the Lord Jesus?!  God uses anything to crush the head of the serpent when we come to him.  There are so many times where nothing can break through the walls of despair I imprison myself in- no kind words, no reason or argument, no chastisement- but then someone will spell the word "stake" as "steak" and I'll accidentally smile.  After that God has his in and I cannot be controlled by despair any longer.  God knows us!  If David slew the Philistine with an rock we can stomp on the head of the serpent with a pair of fun high heels!  Of course behind those 'fun high heels' is an immense amount of strength and love.  We are nothing without God- but God always comes as these little things that are seemingly insignificant.  Babies!  Bread!  Wine that can be spilled!  We always think that we need some thing huge like a big fireball to fight but God gives us something ridiculous to drive away the Devil like misspelled words or a little pebble in a slingshot "this multitude, too, shall learn that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves"!  I'm reminded many times of a post from Quantitative Metathesis called "A Face Off" and this is definitely one of those days.  God is all powerful!  Worship Him!  He is great and glorious!!

Frivolity!

"I remember when I was a postulant I sometimes used to seek my own satisfaction and enjoy a little pleasure. This longing was so strong that I was forced to hurry past your cell and clutch the balustrade to prevent myself from turning back. A thousand excuses for seeing you came into my head so that I could justify my natural impulses- excuses like asking your permission for various things. How glad I am now that I crushed such impulses fright from the start of my Religious life! I am already enjoying the reward promised to those who fight bravely. No longer so I feel that I must refuse to let my heart have any comfort, for my heart is centered on God... Because it has loved only Him, it has gradually developed until it can manifest to those dear to Him a tenderness incomparably deeper than if it had spent itself in selfish, barren love."

St. Therese, Story of a Soul

I love that even though God's grace makes us so amazingly better than we are, we are still human and our bodies develop at similar rates for everyone. Therese was 15 when she entered Carmel- most of us are in 9th grade at 15. Saving the few that are spared, most of us had those certain crushes at school that we would see when we walked to certain classes- when you saw that person coming toward you, you would start planning in your head how you were going to look at them and when you did pass them their look meant the rest of your day to you. "That was an odd smile... is he mad at me? I bet he doesn't like me anymore- maybe he had a bad morning- what's wrong?" then you would find out nothing was wrong and you obsessed over the odd way he smiles when he has gum in his mouth. God doesn't spare us from normal life, he just gives us the ability to rise above it. Therese loved her sister as her mother since their own mother died when she was very young. I love the vision of her clutching the banister to make herself not go back when she knew she was just being frivolous. Only by grace, only by the sacraments, only by God living in us can we stop doing, not just evil things, but stupid things as well! And when God lives in us and when our hearts are undivided in Him- we won't have to take dramatic measures to protect ourselves from stupidity anymore. We'll see all things as they are- we'll see that God is infinitely more valuable than that moment of satisfaction. We'll live our whole lives using all the passing things in the world instead of having them use us!

Praised be Jesus our strength!

Upon the Feast of St. Elizabeth

"The apostolate implies souls capable of being carried away with enthusiasm for an idea, of consecrating themselves to the triumph of a principle. When the realization of this ideal is supernaturalized by the interior spirit, and when our zeal, in its end, its center, and its means is quickened by the spirit of Christ, we shall have the life which is in itself the most perfect of all, the highest possible life..."

Dom Jean Baptiste Chautard, The Soul of the Apostolate

Sunday

First of all, can I just say that I love God? Seriously, He's just so amazing and normal and there but not and just every incredible paradox you could ever think of. What the heck- no wonder He's can create a universe- I mean- really. And in two weeks it will be the first Sunday of Advent. I'm ridiculously excited for Christmas this year.

In any case I've been pretty down this week because of my classes. I go to a Christian school and all but there are many here who still ascribe to worldly ideas. In my "Jesus in Scripture and Tradition" class we keep talking about the "historical Jesus" and what stories in the New Testament are historical and what words those early Christians decided to put in Jesus' mouth. While reading about it all these arguments can make sense and for awhile I felt like I was in this weird state of "but I thought these things were real!"- and then I remembered that God exists. I think people get so into things so fast- even studying Jesus- that they forget that God exists. God times things so well. First of all he had Jesus be Jewish (I had a friend freak out about how cool it was that Jesus was Jewish this week- little did she know I was thinking the same thing!). The Jews were so cool- they had everything figured out- or rather, God had figured everything out for them with the 10 commandments and Solomon and the prophets- plus they really knew how to worship, study God, and party. In short, they knew how to live. Granted at Jesus time there was some corruption and oppression and tax collecting, but hey, who doesn't do a little tax collecting every now and then? Plus, in Jesus time the Romans were lording over the Jews- and what were the Romans? They were some pretty intelligent folks- I mean God putting himself in Greco-Roman influenced society was just about the smartest move ever- those guys had it all figured out too! And on top of it all GOD did it! Why are we even asking if Jesus really turned the water into wine at the wedding in Canna, or what Jesus "really said"- Jesus said it all because it's holy scripture! Did Jesus eat on the Wednesday before passover or Thursday night when passover was beginning? Can't the answer be "yes"? Can't God do what he sees fit? Can't we live with paradoxes? Do scholars every pray? Do we have to forget that we're not God the second we start studying something? Can't we love what God gave us? Humans!

In the meantime it's Sunday and I'm deciding to focus on what God gave me this week. The world gives me so much crap and it weighs me down. God gives me love and light and life. Let us continually give thanks to Him! There is nothing better for us to do than to give ourselves wholly and unreservedly to God!

And That Too...

Alright, I'm too the point where I'm feeling sick when I hear a swear word. I'm sick of negativity. I'm sick of complaints about things that are wonderful. I'm sick of sexual humor- sick of hearing about people I love getting drunk. DOWN WITH APATHY!

Today in my "Jesus in Scripture and Tradition" class the teacher was talking about the gospel of Mark (and how COOL it is!), and how Jesus demands that we, as Christians, need to operate so differently than how the world operates. He talked about how if we are followers of Christ, we will suffer because Christ suffered- and if for some reason we aren't suffering- we may want to ask why. I could hardly believe that those words were spoken in that classroom. He said it hurts to follow Jesus because it hurts to be different. How it hurts more to see others suffer without Christ though! These poor people feed on complains only to find that complaints only cause the soul to become bitter and helpless. It's just like eating too much fast food. The negativity here has pressed on me ever since I got here at the beginning of the year. It's horrible to witness- and sometimes in my own sorrows I wish I could just complain- but my taste for fast food has waned in the past few years and I know the consequences of living that way. The thing is, God wants our whole selves. He wants us to question how things are done, he wants us to realize that his laws were revealed to us for us. He wants us to have undivided hearts. Oh yes- and he wants that too- whatever that may be for you. Swearing for some odd satisfaction, getting drunk because thats what you do in college, telling a sex joke so that you can futher pervert and turn into a killing machine one of the most holy and beautiful acts God has entrusted to us. Down with apathy, down with mediocrity, down with not loving, down with holding things back from God. Let yourself be opened and let the light of Christ purify you! Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God!

Love! Only Love!

"On our way to Rome we crossed Switzerland and saw its mountains with their snow covered summits lost in clouds, it's waterfalls, it's deep valleys thick with huge ferns and purple heather. It was wonderfully good for me to see all the richness of this natural loveliness. My soul soared up to Him who delights to scatter such masterpieces over the place where we spend our brief time of exile. Sometimes we were carried up to the mountain peaks, and precipices, whose depths our eyes could not plumb, opened at our feet as if to engulf us. Then we passed through a charming village, with it's chalets and graceful church spire over which wisps of cloud were drifting. Later the blue waters of a great lake, calm and clear, would catch the glory of the setting sun.

"But how can I describe what I felt before the wonder and the poetry of these scenes? They were a foretaste of the splendors of heaven. I saw life in a convent as it really is, with all it's restrictions and it's little daily hidden sacrifices. I realized how easy it would be to become wrapped up in oneself and forget the sublime purpose of our vocation. I said: "Later, in the hour of trial, when I am imprisoned in Carmel and able to see only a small patch of sky, I shall recall today and it will give me strength. All my trifling affairs will be lost in the power and majesty of God. I shall love only Him and I shall escape the misfortune of attaching myself to trifles, now that I have glimpsed what He has in store for those who love Him.""

-St. Therese of Lisieux, Story of a Soul

Christian Culture

"He demonstrates nothing, He doesn't try to justify himself, He doesn't argue. He teaches. His authority imposes itself because the wisdom that emanates from him is irresistible."

In Conversation with God, 526

I had a long discussion tonight with some family members about Catholic culture and education. It was sparked by a conversation earlier in the day with an individual who had the notion that weekly mass at my dear old Catholic high school should be made optional for students. The school has always had it's foot down on the matter and the discussion tonight revolved around why they would do that. Why would a school not run whole heartedly to have people choosing to go to a weekly mass instead of having it required of them? Doesn't requiring something make a bunch of people who aren't Catholic or just plain don't care to go to mass more than once a week create the danger of seeing mass in a negative light? What do we really want of these kids? Isn't it always better to choose to pray on your own whims instead of having someone dictate a time, place, and way of praying for you? Isn't it more honest? More sincere...?

The question that really sparked my interest was "what do we want of these kids?" The simple answer I think is that we want them to be saved- to know, love, and serve God. The school doesn't exactly put that in the mission statement but they do profess to be Catholic, and that is in the mission of every Christian- indeed, every human! The question that follows though, is how are we going to help them do that? This school has decided to do it by creating a Catholic culture in which the students can abide. People need to know what being a Christian is all about- even if they're not Christians. It's such a huge piece of the world and it's history (and it's future!) that it's worth at least to be educated in it. But since we are a Catholic school we have not only the opportunity to educate people about the faith, but also to encourage them to love it, live it, to love God- and where is the best place to go to experience God? What is the heart of the Church? What is the fount of life, grace, and holiness?

It is the Eucharist!

'If you do not eat my flesh and drink my blood you shall not have life within you'! So why would experiencing the Eucharist in Holy Mass not be part of the education at a Catholic school? How can we understand religion class if our souls are dead- if we are not animated by the Holy Spirit through the grace received in the Eucharist? A mind can only go so far for a person because a person is made up of more than a mind. We have emotions, physical bodies, a soul. We baptize our infants so they can get started on a life of grace as soon as possible. We raise our children in families that are meant to support the child in growing in love for Jesus. A Catholic culture cannot be separated from the Eucharist. A Catholic school, a Catholic family, a religious community- these should all be places where a person's soul, mind, and heart can expand and breathe. Why do we need to live in the world as if we were of the world? Why do we need to suffocate ourselves and cripple others in the name of "free choice"? Through the education in the school, those that don't care or know anything of Mass will gain the knowledge. If God wills, he will open their hearts to know and love him in the Eucharist. We must not fail to give them every opportunity to grow!

We need more Red Cardigan Societies and little ideas that will give us room to breathe in this confused world of ours. Tea party anyone?

Be Not Afraid!

"The end of human creatures is union with God; and in this their happiness consists."

-St. Thomas Aquinas

Lately I've had a lot of extra time to pray (seeing as it's summertime) and I got really scared one day that I shouldn't be praying so much.  Ridiculous, I know- but the reason being that I'd love to be a mother someday and all I see is mothers being busy and not being able to go to daily mass and adoration at 6:30 AM- and you know how when you get tired and you spend too much time by yourself you get cooky. Anyway, How could I possibly handle being a mother if I prayed so much now? Why would I get myself used to something that can't last? But then I realized that all I see also is how many mothers don't trust in the Lord, how many mothers don't act like Christians, how many mothers have the "Martha" attitude instead of the "Mary". We don't need the Martha attitude in the world- it's not that it was just her lot in life not to sit and contemplate with Jesus. No! She can love her work and wait on Jesus in peace and love rather than stress. "You are anxious about many things... Mary has chosen the better part." Martha has every chance to contemplate God because she exists. It was Mary's time to sit and contemplate- which everyone needs and everyone needs to make time for. The Mary type is the one who trusts the Lord to make time for everything. It doesn't make her unsuitable for motherhood.  The Lord will make time for me to be quiet with him if I am a mother some day. What kind of a mother would I be if I gave up prayer? How would I stand up to the devil? How would I stay myself through all the temptations? How would I deal with the world. I wouldn't is the answer. I'd resent my husband, yell at my kids, complain about housework, go to Sunday mass hot and angry. Everything in the Bible is true. Everything they tell you religion class is true too- you need to give up your life joyfully! Blessed are the persecuted, blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, it shall be theirs! I need not be afraid of drawing closer to him, we are all meant for heaven!

The Interior Life

""What herb is most injurious to a young lady's beauty?" propounded Uncle Benjamin by way of starting conversation- "loosening things up a bit," as he would have said.

"Valancy, who's duty it was to say, "What?" did not say it.  Nobody else said it, so Uncle Benjamin, after an expectant pause, had to answer, "Thyme," and felt that his riddle had fallen flat.  He looked resentfully at Valancy who had never failed him before, but Valancy did not even seem to be aware of him.  She was gazing around the table, examining relentlessly every one in this depressing assembly of sensible people and watching their little squirms with a detached, amused smile."

-Lucy Maud Montgomery, The Blue Castle