Another New Friend

Blessed be God in His Angels and in His Saints!

I started reading the Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska on Sunday and every day of reading has been endless fun:

"One day, tired out from all these uncertainties, I asked Jesus, "Jesus are You my God or some kind of phantom? Because my superiors say that there are all sorts of illusions and phantoms. If you are my Lord, I beg you to bless me." Then Jesus made a big sign of the cross over me and I, too, signed myself. When I asked pardon of Jesus for this question, He replied that I had in no way displeased Him by this question and that my confidence pleased Him very much" (54)

The way St. Faustina talks reminds me so much of myself- I always used to bother myself with writing pretty prose or prayers- or just being really formal- in my journal to Jesus (He has since told me that He wants to hear what I say to Him...who woulda thought)- starting a sentence with "because" just seems to me to be a really 6th grade girl thing to do- I do it all the time when I'm rambling- but I love that she does it too! Not that she doesn't write beautifully, but it's so very human!

"O life so dull and monotonous, how many treasures you contain! When I look at everything with the eyes of faith, no two hours are alike, and the dullness and monotony disappear. The grace which is given this hour will not be repeated in the next. It may be given me again, but it will not be the same grace. Time goes on, never to return again. Whatever is enclosed in it will never change; it seals with a seal for eternity" (62)

A Few Things

Below is a picture of Joseph holding his bedtime snack tonight, a decadent dairy treat: hot cocoa with whipped cream on top. He even sprinkled a little cocoa powder on the whipped cream to make it fancy.

Why do I tell you this? Well, I've been looking for a replacement for whipped cream that didn't involve buckets of chemicals and partially hydrogenated oils- the search, I hope, isn't hopeless, but I have found a way to make a fancy, foamy dessert drink- behold!
Yes, the cup says "dream"- DREAM COME TRUE! It's just soymilk! You can't whip soymilk! Well, apparently you can- I did it while it was heating in a pan. I whipped it with an electric mixer over a medium flame (scorched soymilk tastes really weird- so heat gently)- when I was done I had heaps of foam that I could pick up with my fingers and dollop on my mug. Careful not to whip too much- it can all turn into foam and trust me, it really doesn't deflate.
I mixed in maple syrup, cinnamon, and cardamom- it was really good. Just like the fancy coffee place that made steamed foamy soymilk for me with their fancy machine- only I don't have a fancy machine! Further proof that not being able to have milk really isn't that bad.

And then...

As I was taking the above pictures off our camera I came across this video. I loaded it on my computer not knowing what to expect. This... is my family:

Don't ask me how Joseph make that sound at the end... he doesn't even know.

Awesomeness

Praised be Jesus Christ!

It seems I'm going to be pushed out of the blog-light by THESE TWO. Yes, my brothers have started their own blog... a place for awesomeness.

You Dolphins and All Water Creatures...

...BLESS THE LORD!

Yep, my boyfriend is the best. This past Thursday was my birthday and when Tony came home for break he gave me three fantastic fish!

On the container he gave them to me in, he pasted the words from the three young men not burning in fiery furnace in the book of Daniel: "You dolphins and water creatures, bless the Lord"! Very appropriate. So I appropriately named them Shaddrack, Mishack, and Abendego. I know, I know- fish die easily and quickly- but for now, they are lovely and delightful and I think they are certainly blessing the Lord!

No Limits

"Your Holy Will is the life of my soul"

-St. Maria Faustina

Blessed be God forever!

I've been struggling these past few weeks with the kind of trials that leave a bad taste in your mouth. They're like when you wake up all hot with that moist feeling behind your ears and for some reason you can't take a shower- it's that type of feeling. Something you feel like you should just ignore but feels gross. Some of these are feelings like 'God won't love me unless I pick up every scrap of paper that I see and do all the dishes even when it's time to go to bed'- and the feeling that I don't deserve to be happy and in fact I shouldn't be happy, if I'm happy there's something wrong with me and something that I should be giving up so that I'm miserable. I shouldn't sit in the SUN and read, I should sit on the floor and mortify my weak flesh for wanting to be warm and comfortable and my weak mind for wanting to enjoy something.

Obviously, these are faulty lines of thinking.

As a side note to what I'm about to say, I've noticed that on Sundays I always go through some sort of depression, anger or some other form of having a "bad day"- does this happen to you? In college it was every Sunday- really got triggered by our house dinners too. It's become very VERY clear to me over the past few years and months that the devil REALLY hates God. He hates everything about God- he hates everything God made- he hates me and wants me to hate God and hates you and wants to make you suffer in torment for all of eternity. HATE!!! He's spent a long time festering in hate looking for every possible opportunity there might be to make us hate God or at least make us indifferent to Him so that we have no chance of being happy or fulfilled in life. Consequently, the devil hates Sundays because it's the Lord's day. So next time you feel grumpy on Sunday or think that you're supposed to be miserable or that you don't deserve to be loved (when I say that out loud it sounds so ridiculous... how could God want us to be miserable and unloved?) REMEMBER THIS:

GOD HAS NO LIMITS!!!

In less than a poof the devil is absolutely powerless against God. We humans are very humble creatures, but that just shows us that we ALREADY depend on God so much for everything so why do we not let Him lavish His love on us? Why do we insist on taking care of our problems ourselves? God is crazy- absolutely crazy- and crazy about you! Can you even conceive of infinite love? I can't. That's why I resist it I suppose- I'm so used to being hurt, why wouldn't God hurt me? Well, because He loves you so much that he SWOONS at every hair on your neck, He gives you millions of nerves so that you can feel AIR MOVING, He will more than bend over backwards to fix your stupid problem that you created and you really regret. And yes, He still loves you when you're imperfect. Sigh. Big one for me. I don't get it but I guess I don't have to. God doesn't limit how much love we get, only we do. God doesn't limit how much forgiveness we receive, only we do. God doesn't limit His mercy or His gifts- even in the Bible He didn't do many miracles in places that had little faith. It wasn't that they weren't worth doing miracles for- I mean those people still had babies (SUPER MIRACLE!) and scads of other everyday miracles, but they limited Him by their lack of faith.

So pray for me, and pray for your friends, that we would not place limits on God- we have Him in amazing ways (cough, the EUCHARIST) and we have every reason to die out of sheer excitement for what He's done. So let yourself! Lord open us up!

Oh, and this is what lent is all about, by the way.

"The really unforgivable sin is the denial of sin, because, by it's nature, there is now nothing to be forgiven."

Servant of God Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Peace of Soul, 71

I'd just like to say...

My boyfriend kisses bishop's rings. I love him. HAHA!

Yes, I know I'm a total Catholic nerd- but it's like the best kind! You get to do things like chant and get excited over unbleached beeswax candles and look sideways and smile when the priest uses an extra fancy chalice on a Marian feast day. In any case I was too scared to kiss Bishop's ring when the moment was presented to me- but I when I saw it I wish I had. It was a scene of the Crucifixion (yes it was a very large ring!) with Blessed Mother and St. John- a scene that means a great deal to me! The awkwardness of grabbing a man's hand and kissing his ring would have been washed away by pressing my lips to the image his precious and sacred wounds- not to mention Blessed Mother and St. John!

Our Benjamin

He's going to grow up.

Sigh...

The New Kids I Work With

Yesterday, when I got to the after school program I work at, the kids were insane. They didn't just have a valentine box with little cards and a few candies they had BAGS- shopping bags- full of candy and other valentines. Needless to say homework time was very loud...

When we were looking through valentine's in the evening we came across this hilariously awesome little gem.
He even has correct punctuation! Though this doesn't top when I subbed last week and a 5th grader yelled "Praised be Jesus!" in the middle of religion class. That was after he accidentally put down "Hypostatic Union" instead of of "Incarnation" on his homework....

Praised be Jesus!

New Lunch Spot

One I can really get used to.

What God taught me through PMS Part Two

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

Since I wrote part one I fell very ill- no cramps, just a high fever and lots of blowing my nose. Lots of exhaustion too- which is why part two comes today, all in God's plan!

I would say pretty much the most common symptom of PMS is mood swings. This comes in the form of irritability (yelling at your family for eating too loudly), crying all the time for any reason (or no reason at all), feelings of hopelessness or insanity (when everything really. truly. is. fine.), little things seeming like big things (like the time my whole family went to Old Country Buffet and I refused to go- but sobbed SO HARD while they were gone... what?), and just general irrationality ("What do you mean you didn't get tortillas at the store? I knew you never loved me!"). In my opinion, it all boils down to an feeling throughout your whole body of no control.

If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Something is about to happen in your body that you didn't exactly consent to have happen- not to mention all the scads of hormones zipping around (I asked my Mom why I felt insane and she said it was the hormones making my brain swell- now whether or not that was true, it gave me an incredible image...). However, as in all things, someone did consent to have this happen in your body... THE GOD WHO LOVES YOU!!!

Once you realize you have no control over your body, it gives you the opportunity to give up your body. For how afraid we are of our bodies we sure don't like to let go of them! We don't like to give up control for any reason. Either that or we just let our bodies, and consequently our fallen natures, rule us (which seems so comfortable and easy because fallen nature is so familiar to us... but, yeah, it never really works out...) When we give up our bodies we get a chance to imitate Christ on the Cross- didn't seem like He had much control over His body at that time...! However, He had ultimate control. Now, what I mean by this is not that we should give up and be irritable and irrational- but know that we feel irritable and irrational and tell God that since we don't have control over our bodies, He must or we shall be utterly destroyed. It's like St. Therese says "We are too little to be able to always rise above difficulties. Well, then, let us pass beneath them quite simply". When we are weak, HE IS STRONG! "For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain"!!

I must say, recognizing that I don't have control is the hardest thing. For some reason, knowing ourselves seems to get lost in the chatter of everyday life. When I figure out I don't have control, saying "I place my life, my body, my mind, in your hands Jesus and I trust you to guide me to You- to safety, to the greatest love, to my very happiness- and to get all the things done that feel impossible right now done- YOU ARE GOD! AMEN!" is the the next hardest thing. God will guide us when we place our lives in His loving, more than capable hands. The next hardest thing is accepting the happiness and freedom God gives you- cause it'll end up that you'll feel like you have no problems and then you're like "What? This can't be right" BUT IT SO IS!

So this is what God taught me through PMS, I'm useless and I have no control- but He loves me more than I can ever know and treasures me and listens intently to my beating heart and has more than enough time to deal with my PMS problems. In short, God is wonderful.

"Ah! Do not let us stay very far from all that is brilliant. Let us love our littleness, love to feel nothing; then we shall be poor in spirit- and Jesus will come for us, far off as we are"

-St. Therese of Lisieux

In short...

"Ask Christ to help

you become happy"

-St. Paul Miki

Praised be Jesus!

What God taught me through PMS Part One

Praised be Jesus, now and forever!

This weekend I was lamenting the fact that I had no book about spirituality and menstrual cycles. It seems that there should be one- for young, unmarried girls and young adults. When I was taking confirmation classes I remember my small group leader talking to us about how her and her friends reminded each other to offer up their cramps to God instead of complaining about them. When I was in 9th grade I didn't even know what cramps were. I was greatly blessed by having no menstrual pain for many, many years- but it wasn't to be for my whole life. I also didn't notice mood swings or the inability to think rationally- most likely because I was in 9th grade and thought and acted irrationally quite frequently. I remember the first time that I had cramps I didn't know I could be in that much pain- ever. I tried to "bear it patiently" and not moan and complain- which is good. But there's so much more to the Christian life than simply "bearing it".

Last Easter was a huge turning point in my life. God showed me a tiny glimpse of His hugeness and I knew in my body- in my whole being- instead of just in my mind, that nothing in the entire world mattered but God. I went home from the vigil SO HAPPY knowing that I had received heaven- and God made His home in me- and that everything in the whole world was going to work out because Jesus rose from the dead and defeated death forever. I felt as if the whole world was mine- that it didn't matter if I lived or died or was beaten or I never ate again or if I ate three meals a day because God ruled the world and He's... well, God!

When I woke up on Easter morning I also woke up to day one of my period (which is SO always the way when it comes to periods!). Every few months, day one brings cramps- and really debilitating ones. The kind where you can't sit, stand, or lay down without pain- the kind that actually wake you up in the middle of the night because they hurt so bad- the kind that make you feel sure you will throw up or pass out- or both- the kind that make you positive that you know what labor pains feel like- the kind that make you absolutely and completely useless to the world. In any case, I spent the last part of mass in the parish office face down on the floor. However, call me crazy, but I was rejoicing so much that I couldn't stop smiling. I loved the pain because God allowed it- He allowed by body to be in pain but realize that my soul was free to be happy an light and peaceful. In the world, we get upset when we can't complete our tasks- when we are not in control and producing a lot of stuff. We must be constantly in action because if we are inactive we will realize that we are useless (because we are...). I had cramps and could do nothing but suffer- but that was all! I had permission to do nothing but offer myself, my pain, my tattered little body, my nothingness to God and I knew He would take care of the rest. And what a gift! I was useless to everyone and everything but God. (And just THINK what the ALMIGHTY GOD OF THE UNIVERSE can do with you!)

In any case, you know cramps don't last forever so live them while you can! We always hear about "suffering" to be like Christ and people want to go do amazing things- that are probably good things, but then a woman gets cramps and sees them as a bother. It's not a bother at all! It's love! It's purification! It's a reminder we are nothing! (As a side note, I don't take pain killers because my body can't handle them- I had overdose symptoms from ONE extra strength Tylenol- the pain was gone but the dizziness was incredible... I said a lot of things I regret when that happened haha... so in the end, I just take the pain and a nap.) Never curse the fact that you have cramps, or that they are disallowing you to complete tasks efficiently if at all, it's one of those times where God is so intensely asking you to give Him yourself that to say no seems ridiculous- almost laughable. What's fun then is throwing up your hands and laughing about it to Jesus- I could've been piously sitting in the pew looking pretty on Easter- but I was going to pass out or throw up- or both- so I had to thank God for communion face down in the parish office. Just me and Him- in my little self. Thanks be to God for menstrual cramps!

Non-Dairy Rice Crispy Bars!

Praised be Jesus Christ!

I really like marshmallows. Thankfully, marshmallows are dairy-free but eating them straight out of the bag doesn't seem like the most honorable way of consuming them. Since I shun margarine also, rice crispy bars have been on my list of things I can't eat for awhile- but no more! I could always eat the peanut butter ones- but- there's no marshmallows in that recipe...

Because I'm that kind of a baker, I'm going to give you an annoying outline of the recipe instead of an actual recipe. I like to know how things work, rather than just follow directions one time. As a general rule in non-dairy baking, to substitute oil for butter, one uses half the amount (for example 1/2 cup butter= 1/4 cup oil). This works in cookies and cakes and breads of all kinds- substituting oil for butter or shortening even works with pie crust (trust me, my Mom and I could LIVE off of pie). Taking all that into account this is how I made my rice crispy bars:

First of all, I halfed the recipe (I didn't want to end up with a giant pan of rice crispy rocks) (plus I knew no one else would eat it). I used 3 cups of rice crispys and two cups of marshmallows. I'm really horrible at melting marshmallows on the stove- but I melted them with 2-3 tablespoons of canola oil. You might need more or less- my marshmallows were sticking really bad to the pan so I added more oil. The rest is like the normal recipe- without buttering the pan of course. My Mom said they needed butter flavor (yes, you can buy artificial butter flavor... ) but I really liked the marshmallowy taste. They were chewier than normal- meaning it took a little more effort to bite off a chunk and mash it down- however, this is why I give an outline so that you can experiment and figure out how to make yours the way you like them! Be not afraid!